Well the weekend was fun nice to talk shit with the chizz again, she shouldn’t go away so much, coz it makes kev lonely and I have no access to my attorney.

I actually lost my rag in a comedy way, I was camping up my anger, but I was being kecked awake every 2 mins for the best part of 3 hours to play Mario party. With was quite litry hell on earth and I kept being forced to go up the exhaust vent. With is not taking crack fuck knows where someone got that from. It’s a kid’s game.

I finally got my phone back. Well I got a replacement, so I have lost everything. So if everyone would be kind enough to txt me there numbers I would be grateful. Or if you don’t, you won’t get txt inviting to out because I need people to sit near me with I destroy my liver.


Halo 3 is not too shabby. What is shabby is the fucking box. The normal box is fine. No drama there. But the collectors edition that is 10 sterlings more. Include a making of disk and a hardback book and a few odds and sods. The problem is some dumb got the idea to not use the same kind of spools like a normal dvd box.. You know the bit you push and pop the disk on. With this just has a metal peg. That doesn’t compress like plastic. So you eather have to force the disc on, causing damage to the hole in the disk. Or it falls off. With everyone one of them has done in transit. The disk is free inside the metal tin with only the metal peg to rum against. So you 50 sterlings get you a nice book and a few odds and sod but the most important part is now about as good a as beer mat. Microsoft are doing a fill in a for and send off you disk and get a free replacement. But fuck that is going to take a min of a week with all the postage.

Not only do they have a consaul that was built from second rate. Nay a 9th rate part that dies, they get the most anticipated game of all time (so far) and make it so the packaging damages the product. As if the fucking machine isn’t going to do that for you aswell. I just hope it all holds together wilst I finish the fight.

“Come on Harry time to get up and go to work”
“eeee…..rrgggg”
“You better leave early there’s a fog on”
“Arse”
“Yeah looks bad”
“Cock it”
“ohh your brother “got” loads of bacon again”
“tut… thieving gypo”
“Well iv cooked loads of it, it’s in the fridge.. Have some for lunch will you”
“Oh so I can be apart of this dastardly crime and eat the evidence”
“Yes Harry, well there's bacon if you want some”
“How’s about you pop some bread and some bacon in a lunch box for me and ill have a bacon sarney for breakfast”
“Ok no problem”
“Thanks mum, ill find you a nice old people home when the time comes”
“tut……”

I get to work open my lunchbox. Expecting cooked bacon to heat up and bread. Instead I find 4 slices of raw bacon,

That home is not going to be so good, and the time is sooner than she thinks

Mischief hat was on this morning,

Phone prank time, me with my best generic angry northern with a hint of Scottish or Irish. The only good angry accent I can do. And over the phone when doing this I sound late 40’s apparently. I don’t do this voice to much, coz a. I don’t want to over use it and b. its takes me about 10 mins to warm up. But I almost ran over my friend on the way to work, and that gave me 10 mins to warm up and thing of the prank. Hes just started as a postman.


“Hullo. Is that Anthony Pryor?” (he hates being called Anthony)
“er… well yes …. Actually its Tony…. Who’s this?”
“ This is Tommy Johnson of the royal mail complaints committee”
(Slight panic in voice) “Ok really”
“I'm afraid we have had a complaint about you this morning”
(More panic)”really?”
“I’m afraid it’s quite serious”
(Absolute panic now)”you’re joking”
“You have been spotted in upper hale staggering and driving your bike erratically leading people to complain that you appear drunk and extremely dangerous to traffic”
“What! Oh my god….”
“Yes! So I am have to request you come in for a mandatory drugs test the results of witch will determine the continuation of your employment”
“Ohh my god you’re joking right?”
“Hi Tony.”
“Fuck its you Harry. Shit mate you had me really going I’m shitting myself”
“ohh sorry dude. Saw you this morning and nearly hit you with my car”
“Today’s my second day of this new round and its about 3 times as long as my last and people are moaning that I deliver at a different time to the old post man… having a really bad day”
“Ohh sorry mate it was just coincidence”
“Don’t be sorry mate you where brilliant had no idea it was you. Made me shit myself”
his revenge will be along shortly

Getting rambo’d up

I do enjoy a spot of paintball. I’m userly I'm quite good. Yesterday I sucked. The first 5 games went by and I hadn’t even got a kill. Is was going a “ron” for those who are not familiar with ron. Hes a fucking paint ball magnet. First game a stray shot pops onside the hut I was in a hits my gun. I’m out. Second game I run up to a barrier, didn’t even get to fire and a 1 in a million shit goes threw the 2 cm hole I’m looking threw and hits me striate between the eyes. 20 second into the game. I’m out. I take a hit to the head when running upto a barrier it was a lucky long shot, and I got hit in the mouth from a curling shot of much luckiness. I started to feel like I was doomed to be the new ron. Then when my own team shot me in the back I knew soothing was up. I did manage to get my act together and score some kills. In one game I got 5 and it distracted me from all the new lumps I have on my head. And the lovely taste of paint in my mouth. I think the main tip of the day was, weeks before the paintball don’t photo shop pictures of the bloke who has his own gun and is a bit scary with pictures of manatees in varouse poses once a day on his website forum. They wanted to gaffer tape me up and shoot me. But god bless health and safety they weren’t allowed. So I got shot a lot sans gaffer tape. He also put a smoke grenade in my belt and set it off. Worst of all was the “stray” shot that hit me in the nuts!

Paintball I love it
Ohh and Donna shouted in a foghorn loud voice “ohh my guns stopped working” when se was in combat. Then she unsprisingly got bundled.

Smashing your face into a brick wall


There are days at work where if feels like I am. People on the whole are stupid. I mean really stupid. Unable to understand the most simple of basic premises.

“I cant read the book”
“Put on your reading glasses….. Ok can you read it now”
“Yes…. But now I cant see across the road”
“That’s because you have your reading glasses on take them off… can you see across the road now”
“Yes but now I cant see the book”


No joke this goes on for about 20 mins

“Sir if you want to see anything in your hands put on the reading glasses….. If you want to see anything further than arms length away take them off”

“But the closer thing are to me the bluryer they are”
“Yes that why I have made you some reading glasses”
“But I can’t see across the road with them”
“That’s because they are for reading”
“But I don’t read much”
“Ok there not just for reading they are for near vision.”
“What’s that?”
“Looking at anything close up”
“Like number plates”
“No not like number plates, I would hope they being on cars are further than arms length away from you. Don’t drive with them on”
“I don’t drive anyway, my cars only done 3 miles”
“Yeah yeah ok… so have you understood what the glasses are for now?”
“Is there anyway you can make some glasses that bake the distance closer”

At this point I just ignore him for the sake of my sanity and temper and push him out the door

The next woman in says that she got dubble vision. But only if she has her glasses on and if she has 1 eye shut. To have dubble vision you need two eyes. Unless there is something really wrong with you but that would be all the time, not just with her glasses on.

I phone a colige for advice.

“Be nice to her, she’s and idiot”

What a fucking morning…(so far)

Horoscopes


How bad must I have got when my horoscope has told me to stop drinking?
Thats what it said today? It said, “don’t drink alcohol drink water you need it”

Mood swings and roundabouts



This weekend was the race day at donnington. We went last year and it was good fun except the getting up a stupid o clock, and then getting stuck in traffic. Also I got blamed for making everyone late last year. Matt over slept and just because I'm userly the one that makes everyone late matt told everyone it was me and they believe him. Well this year matt wanted to go up on the Saturday to watch the qualifying and stuff. I work Saturday, so I said if I get a move on we could get there just in time to see the last bit and he was ok with that. It was around to a few mins before I leave work and I was looking on the website to see if there was a race timetable. When I notice something….. There is no camping.

“Matt what’s the plan then?”
“ohh I thought we’d just wing it”
“Well ok, but what about camping”
“There’s camping there”
“No there isn’t”
“ohh we are screwed then”
“fucking marlollouse”
“millwall?”
“You told him it was next weekend so he’s in fucking Wales”
“ohh”

So before we left Andover we almost came to fisty cuffs. I actually get livid at bad planning. I was almost paralysed with rage. So much so I had to go get some beer of I would have killed him. We got to donnington after a 2 and a bit hour drive. In witch I was grinding me teeth and I had contracted bad gut because I touched the reading tent. I swear I’m allergic to it or something, every time I go near it I void my bowls. When we got there I sort of had a plan in my head, that we’d just put the tent up in the car park, id get really drunk and fall asleep. We may get moaned at in the morning but it’s always easier to get forgiveness than permission. The one flaw in my stupid little hope of a plan was, that we couldn’t actuality get to the car park because the roads where closed. All I can say is I’m not going to slag off sat nav again. We popped in the closed country park, we drove to it and found a campsite. And threw some miracle it wasn’t 100% full. It was about 99.9% full. And we squeezed the tent it. I regaled the others with tales of my misfortune involving excreta. Coming to think of it most of the things that have happened in my life have involved me ingesting, excreting or getting excreted on in some humorous way. Well not evan my beer and sleeping bag that was acquired in 1983 with 15 green shield stamps could keep me warm. And I froze my man boobs or moobs off. Also I noted with mild disbelief that that tent has done 4 or five reading along other trips and it has never had a beer spilt in it, Saturday it had 3. None of witch where mine, spilling beer is a sin. I got woken up my mat. Well I say woken up but to be woken I would have to have been asleep. I was under my coat shivering. We packed up and I took some more Imodium. This I don’t really recommend to anyone but at the time it was the lesser of too evils. I did the only sane thing and carried on drinking. One of Matt’s workmates. Must be about 9 stone and he ate 3 ice creams 3 burgers 2 hot dogs and a ton of other stuff he must have guts like the tardis. The day of raceing was good. We saw a few people fly off the track in clouds of dust and some really good driving. Sitting there on the grass with cheep beer and the screaming hum of the engines off fast cars, made me feel happy. Almost enough to stop wanting to kick matt in the testicals about not sorting out a campsite and his best suggestion about sorting is was “we’re screwed” I saw the F1 car doing dounuts. And the 3.5 ltr formula Renault cars where 5 second slower doing a lap than the f1 car. And the f1 car wasn't even set up for donnington. Honestly its amazing the speed they travel at and accelerate at. On the way home I had pretty muck gone crazy from the heat (beer, Imodium, and bad food) that I was offering girls in near by cars sweeties and jumping over the other guys cars. Basically I was doing a millwall when we used to get stuck in traffic on the way to reading. Its an amazing day out I recommend it. It would be superb if matt had done some fricking planning, but maybe because he didn’t do any planning and it worked out, maybe just maybe that made me enjoy it more.
Apart from the sunstroke I now have

Ruining peoples lives.


On the advice of a few people I know I started a face book thing. This is completely different to my sheeetcannon thing. And on the advise of my attorney I did the compare people thing as “it can ruin peoples lives”. It pops up 2 of your friends and a question and you have to pick one. The questions range from witch one you prefer to travel with, to witch one you’d rather get a bonk on with. All very puerile but quite addictive. The its show you your results where you are in a kind of personality leaderbord. One this that struck me as strange is I failed to win and of the who would you rather kiss me or… lost those every single one. But I fucking own at the who would you rather marry. Yep people want to marry me but no kiss or have bangawang with me. I know its probably down to who I was compared with. If I kept being put up against brad pitt on the kissing front, then sure id expect to loose but I doubt he on facebook. Who are they comparing me with on the marrying front Pavarotti. Its probably down to who the other choice is but I cant help feeling like some people have got me down a safe bet. When everything goes tits up in their life and there a 40 or something lets go grab Harry hes the kind of pussy that’s going to do the washing up when I tell him. I feel like millhouse from the Simpson’s.

On another note I had to tell someone that there eyes are screwed. I didn’t say that I just looked at the forms and she burst into tear and said “why wont anyone tell me what s wrong, all this treatment is useless” I sat in my chair afraid to look up. It was the most uncoftable few minutes of my life. Well I’m going to make whoever has got me a safe bet, stand in, reserve husband have a really uncomfortable few minuets on the honeymoon

well since reading i have been taking it easy, wongo seemed shocked but mock drunk i screamed at him telling him it was for the sake of our friendship and that it was tearing us apart and i wanted us to be like it was playing for hours in his room. wongo looked angry and loots of people looked at him. wongo is so homophobic that just the slight mention that he has ever done anything like have a hug sends him into a crazed rage. my favrot of these acasions are:

when chris put his pinis in wongos ear
when millwall grabed wongos crotch
when i point out to him that koppergorge is infact babycham (this hasnt happend yet im waiting for the right time)


the first to almost made me prolaps with laugher.

well 10 days and only 6 units or 6 days and 0 units witch ever way you want to look at it.

its been going with the normal pain, the phantom hangover, consontration problems, and the nighmares.

phantom hangovers are worse that real ones, not just because you feel resentful that you got it from not drink and the fact that you wouldnt have it if you had had some beer. its that its a draining hangover saps your will to get up. on a real hangover you can get up and "cowboy up" and get on with it. phantom ones you cant.

the nighmares are a whealing torment of insacuraty that inspire paranoia and take a morning to shrug off. eveyone keeps saying i look angry. the challange is going to be this weekend when we go to donnington to see the broom broom cars. we are camping. and every time i camp i drink so i can sleep and not notice how fucking cold it is or millwall hand coming over to my side of the tent to queer me up

on a plus ive lost 3-4 lbs