Doing the reminder letters at work, so I need to go buy 100 stamps. Queue up at the post office, each passing second sapping my will to live. Finally I get to the front of the queue. “Position 5 please” I march over. “100 second class stamps please” “umm… we are sold out” “the post office is sold out of stamps” “yeah…. Hang on I think there some at position 1” “ok” I look at her expecting her to walk the 3 meters and have a look. She just looks at me. “You going to get them?” “You have to queue up for till 1” “what?” “You need to re join the queue” “what? Can’t you just go get the stamps” “sorry you need to re-join” I then go and re join the queue get to the front after another soul destroying age. But there is some peasant try to change up what look to be 50 quid in coppers and they have not counted out the bags right. I can over hear “there’s only £4.80 in that bag and that one of 2p short. So im standing there and other tills are being called and Im having to let people go in front of me. Finally get to till one after then tosser has recounted their life’s savings and pissed off. “May I have 100 second class stamps please” “im sorry we have sold out” “SHE (I say abit too loud) says you have some” “ohh yeah I do. The are not in a book though.” “and why does that matter? They are stamps right” “yeah” “for posting letters” “yeah”  “then sell me 100”  

Enlarge your manhood! DELETE! Online viagra DELETE! I have 36 million us dollars I need your bank account DELETE! (something that’s written in unrecognisable symbols) DELETE! Herbal anti-depressants DELETE! SEE coldplay and steps DELETE! “I don’t not want to see those fuckwits” re: re: re: re: re: fwd: fwd: re: re: DELETE!

And that’s just whats got threw the spam filter……. I don’t know why I bother having an email account

1.Theres a you need to “come get this thing that wouldn’t go threw your letter box” card, luckily the post office is across the road. The card say the package is for “ F.A.O harry 44 station road” so I lock the shop skip over the road and hand the guy the card. “Where’s you id?” “well it only says harry on it, and that my work” “need id” he walks passed my shop every day to by fag next door. So I skip back over to my shop and then return with my drivers licence. “that was quick” “well yeah! 44 station road is ya know across the road. this do?” he study’s if for a full 3 mins. With the only bit of info on it that correlates with package is the name harry. He reluctantly goes and gets me the box of lenses that I don’t really want anyway. So what if I had sent someone else to get it? what if it didn’t have FAO harry on it and it was just addressed to the shop?

2. woman come in shes had a fall. “My eyes been pushed in and I cant feel it.” “Pardon?” she starts poking herself in each eye and saying that her right eye if pushed into her head and she CAN’T feel it” “umm have you been to the doctor” “YES CORSE IVE BEEN TO THE DOCTOR!!!!! he thinks im imaging it.” (he’s not the only one)

3. phone rings, “are my glasses ready?” “hang on ill check” I look at the order “they are expected anyday now, the bank Holladay has probably delayed them slightly” “its probably me that’s delayed them…. Its my fault” “pardon?” “well I haven’t dropped them off yet?” “you have ordered a complete pair” “yes, I have to drop them off” im looking on the online order tracker “they will be here Friday” “ill drop them off Friday” “umm no…. come and collect them on Friday” “I don’t know what you mean” “your glasses will be ready on Friday, so come in on Friday” (im looking forward to that)

Army bloke comes in. whats me to take the lenses from his gasmask and put them into a frame. I carefully explain that messing with a bit of army equipment that he may one day rely on to save his life is unwise. And that just buying a complete pair of glasses is by far the better thing to do. After trying on every frame in the shop. he then goes back to me cutting down his gas mask lenses. Explain everything again. He then starts haggling the price of the complete glasses, and like a chump I give in a bit on condition he pays in full. He then has run out of time for the car park. Hes been that long pissing about. Comes back a measure up. Write the order. “can I have a phone number to call you on when they are ready” “ok …..” “so because of the Easter break, lab being closed and disruption to post, I expect these will be back end of next week” “ohh” “what?” “I go to Afghanistan tomorrow morning” I let out a massive sigh. “yeah they aren’t gonna be ready for tomorrow” “ohh will it be done tonight if you put my gas mask lenses in…” “NO!” I look at his prescription he was tested in October hes had 6 months to sort this out