Karma’s a funny old thing

I don’t really believe in karma per say. But I do believe that if your nice to people and do good things, the more likely people are to help you out when you’re in a fix. Say you do something good for someone and make there day the change is they do something good for someone else and the chain will go on, and on and infinite time line it will come back to you. If you are just a cunt then no ones gonna help you when you need to change a tire or put in a good character reference at you sexual harassment tribuneral.

That’s sort of what karma is so ill just call it that.

I was feeling like I was coming down with an evil cough cold man flu, thanks to my housemate who must have been gobbing in my coco pops. I went to a big supermarket to buy some soup and some bedding im not telling you wich one just incase the send there hit squad for me, but hint the sign is green they are called Wal-Mart in America, there adverts have people slapping there arse, and bill baily isn’t going to be there bitch. I got the bedding shelf and there’s some pretty reasonably priced stuff there. Well its very chip compared to everyware else. I know its made in a sweat shop in the middle of some boiling country by children not even old enough to have grown milk teeth yet, but hay everyone’s got to have a job. And let face it ive been with the mrs a wile now. “Honeymoon periods over love” I don’t need to impress her. Just convince her to do my washing. So I pick up a fitted sheet and quilt cover that comes with 2 pillowcases. I go in to the cloths bit and get myself a shirt for work, and some chicken soup as I m feeling a bit peeky. I get to the tills and the ques are extremely long. But people in Farnborough are scared of fire and technology so the self-service tills are pretty much empty. I jump on one of those.

PLESE SCAN YOUR FIRST ITEM
I wave the tin of soup around enthusiastically and the till doesn’t beep. I wave it about the place as if doing a rain dance. Still nothing. This bar code scanning shit is a really hard job. More respect for till tarts now. Evenuly it works.

PLEASE SCAN YOUR NEXT ITEM OR PAY

The sheet, doesn’t scan at first then says unidentified item error error. Please put item on scales

PLESE PUT ITEM ON SCALES

The screen has rang up the sheet, but it want to sell it to my but weight. I do as it says. It charges me 15 pence, 97% discount. I like that

I scan the covers the ring up at some random price too, my shirt come up at the correct price.

I pay quickly and leave with my total shopping bill under half price. The till made a legal contract on price with me there not a damn thing they can do…… I hope.

MWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA

I get back to work and the phone rings but I have to hang up on them, as there is a customer in the shop…. I call back 20 mins later. Hi this is the west end centre. We had a spare ticket for that Richard herring gig you wanted to see. You hung up on us so we may have sold it to someone else…. The guy goes of and comes back. Yep we still have one. I pretty much bight his had off via the phone. Cheep shopping and a gig ticket. CHA-MUTHERFOOOKING-CHING!!!

Got to go to the gig on my own tho… but im a big boy I can wipe my own bum now too. As long as there’s those candoo frog wipe things.

Two good things happen out of the blue….. Two bad things must happen too

At home whilst examining my goods. I notice my shirt is short sleeved and not long like I wanted…. Bugger. And im to scared to look at the sheets just incase there are a single or something and not a king as labelled up…. knowing my luck there probably second hand….

I go of to the gig thing well that wasn’t too bad cheep shopping not quite what I wanted, but cheep shopping non the less


The gig was good fun; even tho it was sold out I had an empty seat next to me. So I could have taken someone. Richard herring gives away free programs for the show, and just asks that you throw some dosh into a bucket for scope. He’s raised £20000, and programs at other shows ive been to have been between 5 and 15 sterlings so I think its only fair to give whatever ive got. I was in row c and there were half a dozen steps to the door. It was quite dark in there. And I needed to make sure I had parking change for the next day at work. I pretty much always have shit loads of coins. Sometimes as much as £20 I probably dint have that much tho. I tipped out coins into my hand with the intention of popping a few quid back in the wallet and putting around a fiver into the bucket. But then o tripped. Throwing coins everywhere. In the dark in a crowed of people. My guess it was about a tenner but ill never know. All I manage to puck up was £2.20 exactly what I needed for parking. And threw that in the bucket. I hope that they puck up the coins and put them in the bucket but the cleaner will probably have a pretty good tip. So I lost all the money I had saved threw the faulty till, got the wrong shirt, man flu and bedding im no too scared to open.

I got home thinking that will be a pretty good blog, hope I don’t waffle on to long so people get bored

I popped on a dvd and went to the fridge to see what beer we had left over from the party. All that was left was Carlsberg C2 witch some cheeky basterd had brought along and stuck in the communal beer. Who the fuck buys reduced alcohol beer. I thought ohh well. Probably do me good not consuming as much alcohol. I pick up and can and sit down. I go to open it but my Alcoholic spider sense is tingling. Its ok its just coz it low alcohol beer. I reach for the ring pull again, can’t do it, something wrong. Get a grip man I know its only 2% but is free. I know you have had stronger shandys but get your laughing gear around it. Na my alcoholic spider sense has properly gone off. I examine the can. Its over a fucking year passed its sell by date. What kind of cunt brings gone off low alcohol beer to a party.

No I didn’t fucking drink it anyway

Sign of the devil


Well the move has gone ok. The room is pimped with all my toys. The party was thrown…. Im sure the pics will be on the net soon


The user well restaurant I frequent for lunch was close they have gone on Holladay for 2 weeks…. Damn it!!

I was feeling a bit rough. And I don’t like eating nice things when I feel ill. My stupid logic is, if I eat something nice then chunder my guts up. It puts me off of what ive eaten. So I eat something I wouldn’t mind being put off of. I.e. MacDonald’s

With mild amusement I found this printed on the bad I purchased my cow dick in.




A Spanish woman teacher person with a black board saying (I presume) “im loving it” and the sign of the devil

I can only presume its the MacDonald’s Scholl of Satan worship.

Some people have had their suspicions of it for a long time

Well the big cuckoo is about to leave the nest.

Bye bye Andover. Hello fleet

Only took me 27 years to move out.

What the hell am I going to do for food and washing and ironing now….

Ill just have to take it home for my mum ever week. Keep her with something to do…. Im a nice son like that.

she got a nice ironing bord cover for mothers day and me coming home hungover wanting sympath and food. im the best son ever