Vans in traffic
The other day driving home I saw an inspired pun. On the back of a van there was “goodfellers” tree surgeons. It tickled me in the way a silly pun should. I rely wonder if the guy who owns the company eather when he was young went and watched goodfellers and went if I ever start a tree business that’s what its gonna be called. Or he was sparshot doing his tree chopping down exams got pissed and thought of it.
On the way to work today… oh im 27 today by the way. (all I can say about that it when I was young I can remember thinking wow in 2006 ill be 25 and in 2007 ill be 26 and in 2008 ill be 27…. Yeah see I was quick on the uptake) yeah anyway….. I saw a van with big gold letters saying “stump grinding” that’s sound particularly unwholesome. It was for a tree surgeons. I can imagine the two blokes doing the tree chopping down exams one all light-hearted and thinking of clever puns and the other sitting their twisting hamsters heads thinking about amputee porn. Its sound like the kind of thing McCartney would have said to his ex….
“Heather im feeling a bit frisky tonight.”
“Are you ok… fire away”
“no no …. Put away your down stares mixer”
“oh no you want to visit dirt canyon” (possibly it’s the other way round mills looks the type that offers back first)
“No love”
“Surly you don’t want that again”
“Take off your leg bitch I wants me some stump grinding”
It’s possibly what led to the divorce…. Maybe she was into the stump grinding that way she walked in front of the police car/bike/bus
I can only speculate
See being 3 yours from 30 hasn’t made me any more mature or my spelling any better
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Cars
Well it’s a well know fact the mechanics just don’t listen to me, I ask for something to be done and they do something totally different. So I was not completely shocked when I put my car in for some stuff to get fixed they didn’t bother doing it. I wont bore you with the details. What I was most annoyed about was if failed its mot, not on the work that they hadn’t done, but a less than an inch crack in the windscreen. It was behind the mirror. And it had been the for 3 years. So it had passed its mot with it there before. So I had to get a new windscreen. The original day they had my car was a waste of time and now I was going to have to leve it there again icuring more money and time with me sat at home dreaming of all the amazing things I could have been doing if only I had my car. So cutting a long and crap story shot it all got fixed…. Well that’s a lie, as much as I possibly hoped for got fixed…. The engine still has a life of its own and randomly guts out or jumps to 1000000rpm for no reason. So I cough up my cash. And looking threw my nice new windscreen as im driving in the pissing fog I see a doddering old hag swerve half of the road onto the gravel and flick a big stone up that has now chipped my new windscreen
If I wasn’t late for work she would have needed new denchers curtsey of my 9 iron
Well it’s a well know fact the mechanics just don’t listen to me, I ask for something to be done and they do something totally different. So I was not completely shocked when I put my car in for some stuff to get fixed they didn’t bother doing it. I wont bore you with the details. What I was most annoyed about was if failed its mot, not on the work that they hadn’t done, but a less than an inch crack in the windscreen. It was behind the mirror. And it had been the for 3 years. So it had passed its mot with it there before. So I had to get a new windscreen. The original day they had my car was a waste of time and now I was going to have to leve it there again icuring more money and time with me sat at home dreaming of all the amazing things I could have been doing if only I had my car. So cutting a long and crap story shot it all got fixed…. Well that’s a lie, as much as I possibly hoped for got fixed…. The engine still has a life of its own and randomly guts out or jumps to 1000000rpm for no reason. So I cough up my cash. And looking threw my nice new windscreen as im driving in the pissing fog I see a doddering old hag swerve half of the road onto the gravel and flick a big stone up that has now chipped my new windscreen
If I wasn’t late for work she would have needed new denchers curtsey of my 9 iron
Friday, February 15, 2008
Cold are evil
The make me be in pain and lazy
like the phone rings and im like gahhhh that means picking it up , and ill have to struggle though my snotty nose to talk properly...... but the ringing not helping my head ache..... witch is the lesser of two evils
to pick up or not to pick up that is the lazy snott driven question
The make me be in pain and lazy
like the phone rings and im like gahhhh that means picking it up , and ill have to struggle though my snotty nose to talk properly...... but the ringing not helping my head ache..... witch is the lesser of two evils
to pick up or not to pick up that is the lazy snott driven question
Friday, February 01, 2008
Today’s story of mild amusement is not from me. Its happened to my brother
He was out bowling with a friend, and doing ok, but loosing to his mate. On the 3rd game the wagered lunch on the game. So my brother with the kind of determination only brought on by free pizza started to bowl. The first two frames he spared, however his mate got strikes. In the next lane 2 men arrive. One is wearing a bowing shirt and has a bowling wrist support (don’t know there proper name) own ball, shoes the works. The other man is giving him tips. My brother like me performs best with an audience (not what your thinking you sicko). He gets his game on. Strike! Strike! Looks over at the “pro” he’s got really low scores. 5’s and 6’s. My brother goes again Strike! Strike! He’s got a bagger going on, and he knows free lunch is in the bag, the “pro” is still on a low score. My bro get another 2 strikes. That’s 2 spaires then 6 strikes in a row. The pro gets out some kind of scope and is looking at the pins, then bowls. Gets 3. My bro is just about the lean over all cocky and load moth (yeah it runs in the family) and say “oi mate you want to be taking a leaf out of my book”. But it his go again so doesn’t. He chokes and doesn’t get another strike. But it ok. He’s put a pro to shame and got free lunch. Cash back! Him and his mate are having a drink after when they see the pro walking along accompanied by his “coach” the pro has a long white stick. My bro had been inches away for mocking a blind guy for trying to bowl
Classic
He was out bowling with a friend, and doing ok, but loosing to his mate. On the 3rd game the wagered lunch on the game. So my brother with the kind of determination only brought on by free pizza started to bowl. The first two frames he spared, however his mate got strikes. In the next lane 2 men arrive. One is wearing a bowing shirt and has a bowling wrist support (don’t know there proper name) own ball, shoes the works. The other man is giving him tips. My brother like me performs best with an audience (not what your thinking you sicko). He gets his game on. Strike! Strike! Looks over at the “pro” he’s got really low scores. 5’s and 6’s. My brother goes again Strike! Strike! He’s got a bagger going on, and he knows free lunch is in the bag, the “pro” is still on a low score. My bro get another 2 strikes. That’s 2 spaires then 6 strikes in a row. The pro gets out some kind of scope and is looking at the pins, then bowls. Gets 3. My bro is just about the lean over all cocky and load moth (yeah it runs in the family) and say “oi mate you want to be taking a leaf out of my book”. But it his go again so doesn’t. He chokes and doesn’t get another strike. But it ok. He’s put a pro to shame and got free lunch. Cash back! Him and his mate are having a drink after when they see the pro walking along accompanied by his “coach” the pro has a long white stick. My bro had been inches away for mocking a blind guy for trying to bowl
Classic
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