dont you just with you had sky plus or that remote control from that adam sandler film sometimes? my problem is that when some one is rude to me basicly i can do nothing apart from give a thin smile and look blank. butas soon as they are gone 1001 witty comebacks spring into my head. im shure this is the same for a lot of people. unless im drunk, then im quite good at awsering back, as stituation that could mean my new blog is from a recover ward if the persons threts are to be taken littrly. but will find out how that goes tonight.

so a super store has a pollicy to open a new checkout if there is more that 3 people in the que. serposed to be helpfull but its not relly, by the time they are threw the "star up prosedure" for the till. the que you where in is gone. but there was two tills open bouth with a que of 3 in each. the guy at the back of the slightly shorter que is an man late 50 probubly and buying wine and sherry at 8:45am. so i join the slightly longer que, slightly influenced also by the facked that it is a nice looking female doing the job. Over the tannoy booms , "JONNY COME AND OPEN CHECKOUT 5" andf some adolesent scurrys out from somwhere and strats trying to open the till. "do you want to come around?" i go to the newly opening till. i get shuved in that back by the old man and he goes "im first in the que" and wacks me again "IM FIRST IN THE QUE". thin smile time as i look at him and go ok. im holding a bottle of water and a news paper. then the guy starts to argue with the poor lad abot the wording on the sign that 25% off wine. the que the old git left has no got the last person packing. the orgonal que i was in is on the last person. all the staff are giving each other odd looks as this man is ranting on and trying to be padantic. the he leaves 2 bottles of wine at the till and leaves with the sherry. witch i thought was a bit strange coz he tripple bagged it. i still have a thin smile and look blank untill i make the 5 steps to the door. then ping

"look sir your not first in the que there is no que, you are forming a que by standing behind me, if you asked me could you go first because you are in a hurry to get what ever alcaholic brakefast you need before you can cope with task of being a misrable old cunt, then i would have let you go first. but mearly exclameing you are first in the que doesnt make that so"

sounded alot better in my head...

well a dear old friend of my has convinced me to start a blog. im wish its was because hes intressed in what im upto, but basicly its coz the combenation of my hapless life and spelling make him wet himself. so the guildlines that i have come up for my blog are i will not relly spell check, unless i relly cant make a word look like its suposed to. only right about true stuff thats happend to me. fight crime and protect the innosent.


so ill kick things off with the events of last weekend


i was visiting a friend and over the corse of the day we consumed a lot of alcahol. and im get a bit loud when i have had a few glasses of pop. She lives in a student house and a 17 year old waster had moved in and turend the place into a squat in 3 days. he tryed to talk to, but it became very clear that he was off his tits on somthing and didnt know what day of the week it was. he desided to try to have a witt put down banter with me. in shourt i convinced him that its was wednessday and hes was late, he was relly putting carpet in the joint he was rolling, and one of his friends has "fired of some knuckle-children" in his bed. Imature i know but i was pissed and coulnt help myself. and eveyone else thought it was funny. so then it was bed timei asked may mate is she could get me a glass of water as i was a but dehydrated from drink etc. i went of and polished my knashers and got ready for snoozy time. came back in the room and ther was a mug. "thanks mate" GLUG GLUG ....... GLU....... "what the fuck are you doing?!!!" then the taste hits me....... i swallow hard as im about to vomit. "what the hellis that?" "ITS CAREX you loon" i read someware yaer ago that the mix liquid soap with stuff that makes you vomit so kids dont eat it. and basicly that and beer was going to be a challange to keep down. worst of all the loo was next to the adolesent wasters. and id totaly lose my edge vomiting loudly next to them. for anyone who wants to know carex anti-bactral soap tastes like it smells only much stronger.

the next day after a tummy gergling sleep its mothers day and my friends perents vist. its the first time i have met them and they are being usherd into a drug den. so i try to seem polite and chatty to keep there minds of the squaller that there daughter is currently living it. after about an hour they invite me out for a meal with them. i declined as i still want shure weather i was going to be sick or not. so i go home. i sent a txt to my mate thanking her for the fun nightmake a joke about the soap and say im home safe. five mins later my phone beeps "you legend you where talking to my mum for an hour and a half with your flies undone"