The customer is……. A fucking idiot


Now I don’t mind sorting out problems that I caused. But it when I have to sort something out that I was nothing to do with and take the flack for that I get a little peeved.

Farnborough is an odd place. Is only a few miles from Aldershot and the people here all think they are better than people in Aldershot, and that there towns nicer. Etc etc. problem is there town is a demolition site. And as their sign proudly exclaims “Farnborough…….managing the change” I sniggered the first time I saw that. And now I know it true. Farnborough town centre is being given plastic surgery to this menopausal town centre. It was made in the 60’s and looks it. The people of the town have an air of grumpy menopausal change about the too.

For some reason lots of people all come in my shop at the same time. I hate this. Because I rush things and I cant give all my attention to people. Two elderly couples. A middle aged woman and a bloke in his 20’s the first have come in to get some glasses. There where in the door first so that who I deal with. I spend around 15 mins discussing and talking it threw and measuring them up. Job done. But the woman, who seems to control the purse strings keeps asking questions and I can she the second couple getting more and more annoyed. I finally get some money of the first lady, orders written glasses ready in a week.

I apologise to the second couple and invite them to sit at my desk.
“Are my husbands glasses ready?” she snaps
“I’m not sure,,,, name please?”
She gives the bloke first name (not his surname fuck silly old croan). “They have been 2 months,” she says with a strange rage

userly they are ready and its that people don know how to use answer phones. But in this case they where not. I transpired that the frame the order is out of stock. And have been for 2 months. And wont be ready for another 3 weeks. I only found this out when I rang the manufacturer. Now bearing in mind I didn’t take this order and have never met this woman. She starts screaming at me saying I have deceived her and that I have known for 2 months that there was a problem. I apologised and said we only expected it to be out of stock for 2 weeks. And as it is a copy of the glasses you husband is already whereing they are not as urgent as if he didn’t have any. Yes it is our fault for not noticing that it was still out of stock. “Why has it taken you so long to contact us?” I saw when she pauses from screaming at me. The bloke in his 20’s stops sniggering as he thinks I said something that will make her blow. “I forgot we ordered them” the bloke in his 20’s starts laughing but badly descising it as a cough. I invite them to pick a different frame. And re measure etc. then the woman starts going off at about how much his glasses slip down. I point out the ordering an exact copy probably change much. And she picks out and Evan bigger and heavier frame. And his lenses are thick. The centre thickness is 1cm and they refuse to pay for specially thinned lenses. So in short they are going to be worse I explain this. And all she says is she extremely unhappy with my service and that they are not going to be back. But goes ahead and orders them. The thing is it takes about 2 weeks for his lenses to be made I tell her this and she stops out. The bloke is giggling like a school child.

The other thing that has made me want to kick a puppy is. The bloke who was covering this shop has ordered lots of stuff with out parking it with references and use the wrong shops account number. So the shop I work it userly has got lots of mystery stock arriving. Witch means I'm going to be seeing lots more grumpy old women.

Theres a ghost in here

I’ve stopped being soppy and im back to being angry. Fucking wiered male bio-rythums. I got home yesterday to find the window on my house wide and I mean wide open. So fucing wide they phisicly couldent be more wide open. And Stephen Hawkins could fucking clime threw them. So it was with a anger and slight supprise my ps3 and 360 where still where I left them. I sister recons she closed them before she went out. she is eather lieing and a stupid cow or there is a ghost that likes to open windows and pretend to be my sister (see other ghost story). But anyway im back to being angry and I want something to annoy me.

Face book

An old school friend is popping up old pics of my time at harrow way. And they always make me smile. They kind of remind me that school wasn’t as miserable as I remember. Then a picture was posted that stirred a long forgotten memory. I was a picture of the first girl I ever had a “crush on”. I haven’t seen her in possibly 8 years or more and I have pretty much no idea what’s become of her. In the exceedingly unlikely event of her reading this I will not name her and try to keep it as vague as possible as not to cause any embarrassment. But in feeling of butterflies in my tummy came back when I saw a pic of her. It was the same feeling as I used to get when I saw her at school. I find it really strange that an over 10 year old photo can bring back an emotions I haven’t felt in 10 years. At school I remember being high voiced, mal coordinated, nervous and skinny. All that’s changed is ive put on 5 stone. I was pretty much unable to talk to her. One thing though is that she has shaped my life in a major way and probably doesn’t know it. At school I was not found to be dyslexic they only tested me properly at collage. So I was forced into all the bottom groups. Coz most teachers wrote me off as thick. Others knew I had ability but was unable to show it. I hated the bottom gropes, Mostly because m friend where all in the top groups. And there was a bit of debate between teachers witch groups I should be in. I could have been in top science, and top middle maths. But I needed extra help with English in a big way, and as for French. I would have been better dropping it for extra English. I have always been a person to do the minimum of effort for tasks. So confined to the lower groups I didn’t put up to much of a fight. I could see my mates at break. The way the timetable worked out was that I could be in one of a few classes. If you where bottom set. The highest you could be in was middle. And if you where in top set the lowest you could be in was middle. And I had managed to get in the highest gropes I could in science and maths. Meaning I could take the papers at GSCE and the max I could get would be a B. but then came a point when the English teachers where trying to put me in the lowest group. I was in bottom French and other thinks so it didn’t bother me. I wasn’t going to get higher than a C. but they wanted me to do the lower paper where the highest I could get was a D. I knew I was probably going to get a D. the thing was if I was put in this lower group I would no longer be in the same class as the girl I liked. I swapped two hours a week witch was my woodwork class to do more English. I loved word work but if I dint do more English and showed that I could possibly get a C they would drop me down. I started having to try rely hard and just thinking about it now I get the same headache as when I was trying and being really frustrated trying to write what I meant just to keep may marks up and show promise just so I could be in the same class as the girl I liked. This effort in a way taught me to work for things I wanted. Evan if it was just a silly thing. In the end I only got a D. but I was told I was a high D and if I re-took at collage I could get to a C. and I did. When I got to collage I knew that I wanted a C so I got one. I needed that C to get on to every course I have ever done and wouldn’t be an optician now. If I had been put in the bottom group I wouldn’t have learnt to try for something. I defiantly wouldn’t be the person I am. She’ll probably never know how she affected my life and I hope she never does, but today I felt like righting about it

A bit of advice

Don’t ever on the 21/7/07 walk into a pub and shout “I can believe Ron and Hermione get killed”
Well in the last book they probably get it on. And I know they don’t die. But I dint know that at the time and neather did anyone else. I honestly felt more peril than the time I was in mo’money at the core.

Strange weather is afoot

For one of the first times ever I was woken up by something other than my alarm, someone trying to write on me with a permanent marker, or toyah pinching or elbowing me in the face. For people information. The first on the list wakes me every day and I curse it to the depths of hell for doing so, I don’t always wake up when people write on me. Id say it was 50 – 50, and toyah is now elbowing someone called john.

Ok ok yeah I sometimes wake up drunk needing a wee.

I was woken by a thunderclap. It was loud. It was like when something in the real world happens and it projected into your dream. Happened once when toyah was pinching me and giggling. I dreamt that the crap from the little mermaid (Sebastian) was singing under the sea and getting me mercilessly with his claws. But this boom from the thunder was car blowing up. I looked out side and the garden was on the verge of flooding. So I did what I always do. Go back to sleep. When I woke up the garden was still no more flooded. I had got away with it. I was the first shop in my street to open. Witch to be fair to say is a rarity. Every other shop was late opening coz of the storm. Finding it morbidly amusing I noted that the undertakers had flooded. The undertakers is also a co-op.

The rain passed and I went to lunch where I noted a new shop had opened “SLOTS OF FUN”. I smirked a bit to loud and people looked at me.

You get to and age im sure when is ok to sing in public Evan if its not your job, your not at karaoke, and your not pissed. Middle-aged men do it all the time. And it pisses me off. I go out the back to repair their glasses. And then they start singing and whistleing and humming in my shop……..

Today was the turn of a huge hairy bloke with long hair on his shoulders. He looked like he was used as the brush for gleaning a gigantic chip fryer. He was whistling……. The fucking MacDonald’s “I’m loving it” jingle over and over again. What a prick

my masterpeice will never be compleated

http://us.share.geocities.com/conroybumpas/cnps.gif (if the above isnt working)

i have desided to give up rather than cheat. its the british way.

id foolishly tryed to make CNPS more hard core. but now months have past without me being able to photo a 23.

dont play kids it'll only ruin your life....... train spotters laugh at you

Well when you drive as much as me its bound to happen one day.

The is always at least one a year a story in the paper or a clip on “world most dangerous police videos” about some halfwit doing 70mph the wrong way down the motorway. Well it was my turn. No not being the halfwit. Being the poor sod they drive at. Its actually happened to me twice before. One was my first ever driving lesion. A lorry drove at me the wrong way down a 1 way street. The second was someone on the wrong side of the road approaching a round about. Both of those where at about 30mph. So there was time for me to me/my driving instructor to make helpful comments at the other driver. But at 70mph it’s a completely different game.

Two cars travailing at each other at 70 mph 500 yards apart. For some reason doesn’t take very long. I was doing my user wall blitz down the fast lane overtaking a line of slower cars when I spotted the purple fiesta. At this point I realised. That cars coming towards you normal on the other side of the road seem to take longer to get to you than when they are in the same lane. And the other important thing…… id have to do something about this car coming towards me. At these kinds of times I go on auto pilot, same as when my tyre exploded at 90 on the M4. This Muppet coming at me had nowhere to go except strait at me. Or turn into the other lane, a lane witch still had cars coming at him. Unfortunately these cars where on my left. And I had to get infrount of them before I could move out of the way. So this bloke had about 3 options.

1.drive into me
2.drive into the front of a line of cars on my left
3. Hope his car would become chitty chitty bang bang

luckily the tosser did what I expected and carried on driving at me. Coz the day the remake chitty chitty bang bang with a fiesta. Is the day I go postal. He obosly I imagine tried to slow down. And I with a little bit of cutting up made it infrount and to the safety of a lane without a car driving at me in. at this point I thought shit was there a guy behind me in my lane. Lucky if there is someone he is a lot further back. And I say the purple fiesta come to a stop on half on the grass verge. I carried on my way home. Just thinking not what could of happened. But what was going threw the mind of the person in that car. What the hell where they thinking. And luckily I made the right choice for my own well being.

Lets just hope the prat doesn’t do it again.
Any of you maths boffs want to work out how long the whole encounter lasted post it up in comments. In my way I know it lasted only a matter of seconds. But it felt super quick. Where as the crashes I have had. Have felt almost in slow mo.

Mind playing tricks


Most of the family have gone on holls. Leaving me and my eldest sister to guard the fort. Userly its just me and I tern the front room into a network of computers and wires and there is so much electricity used it not safe to have a drink in that room for fear of a painful zappy death. But my sis is there so not a lot is going to change. And if I play my cards right I can con her into doing the ironing.

So she says she’s off out with her boyfriend and wont be back till the morning. Cool beans I can play my xbox and listen to toms improvised trombone solos (don’t ask). I went to bed about 12:30 (see home alone I stay up late, I’m naughty) I get in to my pit. Then I hear footsteps on the stairs and landing and whispers. The sister must have decided to come home with her bloke. That’s nice of her trying to be quiet. I roll over and berry my head in the covers for fear they may be proforming the horizontal hokey-koky.

I wake up and curse my alarm clock, like I do everyday. Best way to start the day. Then prefome my ablutions. Ready for work I’m in the kitchen having my breakfast of lemonade mixed with blackcurrant juice. When my sis walks in. through the back door. Not from upstairs.

“umm….. I though you where up stairs”
“I told you I was staying out”
“yeah… but I thought you came back”
“No this is me coming back”
“But I herd …..”
“What?”
“ummm…”

We both look at each other very puzzled. The TV xbox and compy are still there. So I’m happy.

I wish her fun in the house on her own for the next 3 days whilst I'm back in Andover.

I upset, to the point of making cry a mates girlfriend. I’m not proud of this fact. She had next to no clothes on and I was dressed as a pirate. But that wasn’t what made her cry. I may have been a factor if I was the one almost naked. Me naked is unpleasant for everyone concerned. What made her cry was the fact she was drunk. And she told me she have been to see a clairvoyant fortuneteller. She was trying to tell me that it was not real. Now fortunetellers piss me off. If they where like this is a bit of fun I'm going to tell you some stuff abut yourself ect… then yes that would be grate. Mentalist do this and they are some of the best magic acts there are. But they don’t they tell you that are real and play with you emotions. Take your money. And some poor people base important life decisions on the “advice” they are given. How are you sure they are not real I hear you cry. Now skipping all cold and hot reading and other mentalist techniques, (ill say a bit about them later) and the fact that people want to believe things, the power of suggestion, yeah leaving all that aside there is two things that make me sure.


Harry Houdini (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Houdini) he spent the later paer of his life exposeing these type of people as fakes. He was so pasionate about exposeing people like this it cost him a lot of friends one of witch was Arthur Conan Doyle. Houdini has an arangemts with his wife that when he was dead he would return and give her a code that only she would know. If there was any way at all he would get the message to her. No matter what it took. But no mediem, fortune teller or phycic every deliverd the code. Hundreds tried. It is also proposed that he was poisioned by spirtulist rather than died from being punched and ruptering his apendix.

The James Randi prise. “ 1 million dollars for anyone that can display in a controlled setting and “super” powers” this is not the only prise of this type but it the most famous. So really if you pass this test then you can do the others so you’re probably looking at about 5 to 10 million. All they have to do is perfome under a mutually agreed control condition and the money is there’s. Its been running for 30 years I think and no one has every won. Infact no one has ever got passed the paleminatry stages. When people are asked why don’t the do it the only excuse not to is that they don’t want the money. But I can think of loads of charities that could benefit the money. If these people are helping people buy giving them comfort by getting messages by loved ones. How about they get the prize and give it to cancer research then maybe the loved ones would still be alive.

So in short I hate the way these people mess with people emotions and take their money. I’ll make you cry for free if you want. In fact I’m exceedingly tempted to learn how to cold read to prove a point. Its 6-months till my next magic show. Lets see how it goes.

The poor girl who had been suckered was sadly well and truly convinced even to the point she was telling me. “The reader was so good, she was telling me about relatives I dint even know I had.” And “she told me about my ex-boyfriend Dave…” I replied with. Not your husband then? Or my mate that you are going out with now? She didn't mention anything about that. She thought info on a guy you went out with for a bit a few years ago was not more important than a guy you are still married to or the guy you are with. Everyone knows someone called Dave.


Here are some links about stuff much better written than I can

Cold reading http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cold_reading
Mentalism http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mentalism
A clip from penn and teller http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrJsAEvQFCI
If you can find it anywhere watch penn and teller bullshit : talking to the dead

I got offered a drink by an England and Chelsea player. Yep yep it’s true. That’s the kind of social cercals I roll in. ok ok he’s not one of the current players infact he’s not played professionally for some time. But he still is pretty famous. Ron “chopper” Harris. Ask your dads. Or look here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ron_Harris_%28footballer%29
He played 795 games for Chelsea. It’s hard to believe any player is going to beat that nowadays. Where you have players paid thousands of pounds a week to sit on the bench. I could do that. He also was telling me that a player hinted to be lampard or terry was earning 120k a week and wanted more. And had refused an offer 135k a week. A WEEK not a year A WEEK. My maths isn’t that good but that’s something like 700 sterlings an hour even when he’s asleep. Also that’s not all he would earn because he would have deals with nike or adidas. And they will be for millions. I have to say it’s insane. Nurses don’t get paid a year what footballers earn in a week. Its probably best we don’t give the doctors that they’ll have money to make better bombs. Well im sure is only a small percentage that are terrorists. But you never know we could have a few people walking about that went in for the appendix out and now they have bombs in them. I’m not jealous of the money the footballers earn. I don’t want to be rich. Because I would go crazy. If people think im aragent now. Think how ill be when I have enough money to buy and sell your ass. Ill have a underground layer, equipped with cinema, bowling, paintball, go-karts, intercontinental ballistic missiles, monkey vs. midget death math. You name it ill have it. Just please don’t name the clap. My army of penguins would rule the world in their Hawaiian shirts and flip-flops.

4th july

independence day . the day the usa fought back against the alens. well bill pullman being a presedent fighter pilot.

independece day was july 4th 1776


on that day king george III wrote in his diary "nothing of importace happend today"

i like to think he was being flippant

Harry: - pretentious arrogant fuck



pre·ten·tious (prĭ-tĕn'shəs) adj.
1.Claiming or demanding a position of distinction or merit, especially when unjustified.
2.Making or marked by an extravagant outward show; ostentatious.


ar·ro·gant (ăr'ə-gənt) adj.
1.Having or displaying a sense of overbearing self-worth or self-importance.
2.Marked by or arising from a feeling or assumption of one's superiority toward others: an arrogant contempt for the weak.


fuck (fŭk) Vulgar Slang.v., fucked, fuck·ing, fucks.
v.tr.
1.To have sexual intercourse with.


Not a literature masterpiece of an insult. And I don’t think I was supposed to see the insult that was directed to 1 of my persona. I fear as well he directed it at the wrong one. Conroy is the egotistical one. Harry is the insecure shy and uncomftable one. Harry and Conroy are practically impossible to offend. Maybe though it wasn’t meant as an insult. It was just a description of me and a reason he wouldn’t help his girlfriend who has a broken leg walk to the restaurant. As if in some way my arrogance is so intimidating it would prevent him from helping an injured loved one. All I can say is he’s saying pretentious and arrogant like they are a bad thing.

More curouse tho was his use of the word victim

vic·tim (vĭk'tĭm) n.
One who is harmed or killed by another: a victim of a mugging.
A living creature slain and offered as a sacrifice during a religious rite.
One who is harmed by or made to suffer from an act, circumstance, agency, or condition: victims of war.
A person who suffers injury, loss, or death as a result of a voluntary undertaking: You are a victim of your own scheming.
A person who is tricked, swindled, or taken advantage of: the victim of a cruel hoax.

As far as im aware he is the only person that has made a victim of Sarah. So referring to her as a victim is “arrogant contempt for the weak.” So I cant help but feel that his use of the word was being everything except a fuck. Making him 2 thirds as bad as me. Also thinking about it im not getting any, and he has a girlfriend. I have to say she looked quite embarrassed when the txt was red out as she was sitting opposite me at the time. I fear tho this blog may be taken out of context. I’m wrighting it to be abit post modern and ironic. And the txt maybe his opion of me and that’s fine I wish him no ill will. Lets face it not everyone on the planet is going to like you. I’m just trying to be funny about an awkward social situation.


Everyone is pretentious. For example Ian Huntley. He molested some people, then got a position where he had no merit to work in a school. And we all know how that turned out.