Cat shit

When we moved into “our” new gaff it was immediately taken over by the wife and alfie. With all my interior design suggestion immediately dismissed with a thin smile a chuckle… pat on the head and a suggestion like. “that’s lovely but ive already got that sorted out hows about you go and set up the telly.”

So with no power to veto the ca litter tray goes next to the bath. (Probably where I would have put it to…. But that’s not the point). So it leaves me in this situation.

Sitting in the bath thinking about the horrors of work
The cat comes in cherps his little cat greeting, and looks at me a little too long as if to say, you going to get out now? Then he breaks eye contact with a little cat sigh and goes to his tray. Where he locates a spot, refused to make eyecontct with me. The same way any men do in a communal lavatory do. And makes a puffing out his cheeks thrutching face.

Now his poopy stinks …… properly stinks … makes your eyes burn….. its probably all that Guinness and pork scratchings im feeding him on the sly.

Then he's done

But no he doesn’t leave it in the tray for me to quickly bad tag and launch out the window. He starts kicking it about the bathroom it what I suppose in his little feline brain is helping me out. the little twit kicks all of it behind him. Then turns around to see it all over the place. The thinks that will never do. And starts kicking it all in the other direction. With me flailing around in the bath trying to stop him.

To be honest ive looked better.

My curse

Im pretty sure iv mentioned this before. But I have mechanics and cars and everything. When ever I take my car to anyware to get fixed . they fix something that doesn’t need fixing and ignore what I asked them to do…. Or 10 mins later if falls off my car. Or I get ripped off. They just generally fuck up and don’t do the work and over charge me


Monday I phone up. And ask for my car to be serviced and mot’ed. And tell them that the windscreen washer pump needs replacing and that my boot lock has broken and needs replacing.

Then on leaving my car today. I say this is the things that need doing windscreen washer pump and the boot lock. Coz they are mot fails arnt they? Bloke checks it written in the book and takes my key.


Few hours later I get a phone call. Sorry sir your car has failed its mot.

The windscreen washers don’t work and we cant open the boot to get at the spare wheel. Both mot failures


BUNCH OF CUNTS