“I came in yesterday but you went here so I have had to come all the way back today!” “ohh im sorry, how can I help” “MY GLASSES HAVE BROKEN” “ok sorry to hear that” (he open the case and throws them on the desk) “they just snapped!” “Right?, did you actually buy these from me?” “no” “so who did you get them from?” “somewere in lightwater or Camberley” “right” (meaning to say so why are you here then) “yeah they just snapped, im on the nhs so I don’t pay” “well the nhs doesn’t repair glasses for adults, these glasses need a new front and coz they where not got from me and the markings are gone I have no idea who makes them or even what model they are” “WELL IM NHS SO I DON’T PAY” “well repairs aren’t covevered by nhs and besides I don’t know what they are or in fact who you got them from….. so I sagest you take them back to where you got them from and speek to them” “so can they fix them?” “I don’t know” “are they going to charge me” “probably” “how much?” “How am I supposed to know? I didn’t sell them to you” “right well im not paying” and storms out

Two(ish) word film reviews are done composting and are ready

 

The pirates an adventure with scientists: magnificently funny

American pie the reunion: nostalgic nonsense

The hunger games: diet battle royale

How I spent my summer vacation: bland effort

A couple of mins to 9 in sainsbrys. I join the self-service tills with a sandwich and a newspaper. Next thing I know a trolley is wedged inbetween me and the tills. “Don’t worry, we’re not pushin’ in” says a woman in a tracksuit, accompanied by an equally scruffy woman and a child that looks like it has the early onset of scurvy. The trolley is piled high with junk, for the entire contence of the trolley the equivalent nutritional value could be achieved by eating a bean sprout. The trolley was a diabetic coma waiting to happen. “That queue weren’t moving, so we’d be next” (be next at a totally different part of the super market). I do my best thin smile with my eyes saying, “I hope your brain prolapses”. What the hell is so important that the have to go in front of me? They can see I have the exact money ready for my 2 items. And im blatantly going to work. What’s there rush? They are obviously not taking the kid to school. Spoons is already open and if they don’t get there soonish they will not get in the full 6 hours drinking time before their meeting at the DSS? Late for Jeremy Kyle?

Cavalcade of shit munches in the bank all in front of me in the queue, moaning that the bank is so slow. do you know why it was so slow, not one of those brain dead pole smokers had filled in a paying in slip. And no of them had the decency of when they got there to go "ohh sorry" and step to the side and fill it in. every on stood there with the cashier looking annoyed twiddling her thumbs. This happened six times. The second one didn’t think to fill in their form after waiting for the first….  Some of them even had the brilliant idea of complaining about the slowness of service as they stood there filling in a form that they could have done in the cue. Cock jockeys

Two word film reviews

Tinker, tailor, solder, spy: crawling bleakness

Total recall (2012): nauseating tosh