Cardiff, Cats and Crazy dreams

“I know when I want to eat…… my phone charger. No that would be silly….. why?….. its not like I need it anymore…. It looks tasty…. Ok ill cover it in salad dressing…… chomp chomp chomp….. Oh no it’s broken in half how am I going to charge my phone now???!!!” thank fuck I woke up at this point. I have no idea what the hell I was dreaming about. I’m frightened to think why I thought a plug would be tasty.

On Saturday I did a colossal drive. Farnborough to Southampton. Then to Cardiff. Then back to Southampton. That’s basically about 350 miles. With all the fun of “going for the bridge” I got some serious road fatigue. Its just makes me spaced out and laugh like a fool. I had a glass of wine. Well actually it was a mug “the chizz” and me drink wine from mugs (its the done thing) and she gave me a mug that has a tiny frog in it. So as you drink it slowly emerges from your beverage. I don’t know if she intended to do it for a laugh. But I genuinely thought I was hallucinating for second of two. A little poisions tree frog peering out from your mug of wine after a 350-mile drive gave me the jibblies. I’m not shure it brought on the dream where I felt I needed to eat my own phone charger tho. The trip was to see the recording of Richard herrings stand up show. Evan tho I had already seen it in Aldershot, the show was still amazing; I was in the front row. Mainly because I wanted “the chizz” the get abused by a professional and have a digital record of it forever more. (Chris if you are reading this. Go check out his fringe show) Richard herring also came up with the C.N.P.S game I’m playing . FYI I'm looking for a 23

I got home Sunday. Only to discover that we have inherited a cat. It’s a 6 (I think) year old, tabby (I think). All I know is that its got the freekeyest luminous yellow eyes I have ever seem on a cat. Or any other species for that matter. Now most people know that I hate animals. Not on a I kill them basis. I think things have the right to live, but they should just really live elsewhere and not touch me. (If you going to say oh Harry you eat meat, meat is murder. Well yes ok I like eating piggys and cows and chickens. But I don’t kill them I have the luxury of a bloke that dose that for me. And I had to kill an animal and eat it I probably couldn’t. I’m shure they maybe on an infinite timeline when id get that hungry. But it would take days. And anyway. Cows and stuff wouldn’t have ever been born if they wornt to be eaten. They a breed for food. Is it better to have lived for a bit and dies. Or to have never existed. Any way I’m not starting an animal rights / philosophical debate here. I've just accidentally gone off on a tangent) where was I? Ohh yeah the cat. Ok…. So I hate animals but I really don’t want anything to suffer. And this cat really was scared it ran under a corner unit and had been there for 12 hours. So I thought id take it a few cat nibbles and give it a bit of a stroke (a rub on its head not a embolism). Cat for some reason think I should be there property and userly “seem” to like me. So I though it may come out and I could show it where its water dish is so it didn’t die. And then id probly have to dig a hole for the thing. Also insure that the R.S.P.C.A might have something to say about a family that can only look after a cat for 12 hours before it dies. (Peta think keeping pets is wrong and wants to ban the use of guide dogs for blind people, so if you have pets and give peta money I hope you feel pretty stupid. So they would be against it Evan being in the house in the first place) so this cat the previous owner has imagnatly named “puss” (I would have atleased named it rasputin or sepheroth or something good) was tucked under this corner unit with me stretching and twisting about just to get in arms reach of it to give it s few biscuits so it doesn’t die. Yellow evil eyes glowing at me. I let it sniff my hand (that what you do with dogs… so I thought it would be a similar thing with cats) then put the treats infrount of it and gave it a bit of a stroke (not a haemorrhage) and it seemed to like it and started purring. So I left it alone for an hour and came back and repeated my actions. I seemed to be a bit more friendly this time and moved closer to me. Then with perring away it lulled me into a false sense of security and sank its razor sharp feline fangs into my hand ….. Twice.
That what I get for trying to be nice. It’s probably taking a piss on my bed as I type this and I have to check when I last had a tetanus coz I herd the lock jaw look was out this season.