Luck heather and all the beacon I can eat,

Its has always been a point of amusement to my father that I have the café on speed dial. But I give them a buzz check my email, turn the kettle on and buy the time I walk there a nice bacon sandwege is ready for me, walk back to the shop and I can hear the kettle click off just as I walk in. (I did start to think the am routine was borderline OCD, but ive desided to shop thinking about it and right it off a convenient and efficient way of doing things). The guy in the café, I nice a nice Turkish bloke (not the guys from the Farnborough popins. Dose a mean fry up. He needed some glasses. And he was kinda grumbling about the cost. So I suggested a trade. So now I have a huge amount of credit in a café. Bacon is good.

Aldershot is a strange place. In the town centre there is this old woman dishing out “lucky heather” and she always trys to give it to me. I say give it more like she thrusts a twig in some tin foil at you, and demands money. “ Here love, have some luck”. I have always wanted to say “look LOVE you’re the one standing in the street stinking’ of piss trying to sell twigs, you look like you need all the luck you can get” I have never had the stones to say this to there face. One thing always confused me she all was goes for me. I know im a natural idiot magnet. But I thought after 6 or so year she might realise im not going to waste my sterling’s on a sprig of something she picked off of a roundabout. She always seemed to attack me on the way back from lunch as well like I was going to change my mind after eating. But she never ever looked at me like she recognised me. Then id notice that she be in a different street in the space of 10 mins. The first time ever I relised the has a twin. I saw them standing next to each other for the first time. To me this almost felt like the revelation at the end of a movie, obously if was much less exciting and had the aroma of ammonia. Then I thought how unlucky do you have to be to be twins and stinkin’ of piss selling twigs. I think they should get out of the luck trade and keep some for themselves.

Aldershot local paper headline HALF PRICE DRUGS FLOOD TOWNCENTRE
What an advert. Or then again it could be a biblical flood of opiates