Two drunk middle age rough as badgers arse women stagger across the road. The 2 of them using all there power to have the ability to approximate ambulation. The stagger leads them towards my shop door. I start to think negative thoughts. At the last min the chance course in smash into my window. The shout spit and swear loudly for a few mins…
Im screaming in my head wishing I could hate them to death.
Then police woman appears and walks towards them
Beethoven’s ode to joy starts playing in my head
Then when the police woman arrives the drunk women say
“alright sharron?”
“yeah not bad you girlds facny a drink?”
“yeah what time your shift end?”
“in an hour … meet you in the goose”
at this point i lose faith in all humanaty
Monday, May 24, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Clash of the titans 3d
Now im not going into the film lets just say it was adequate and that I don’t really like the fact that they remade a classic.
I want to talk about 3d cinema
At this time I haven’t seen avatar. And its not on in the cinema anymore so ill probably see it in 2d on blu ray.
Is a film made better by it being in 3d? I think it makes an average film better in a novelty way.
Now most special effect films with big action scenes , big explosions, dizzying heights ect. The 3d adds scale and makes the film bigger. Because lets face it that’s what the film wants to be BIG. How can you make action film A bigger than action film B. 3D!
But would 3d make truly brilliant films better?
The userwel suspects in 3D?
It’s a wonderful life in 3D?
Reservoir dogs in 3D?
BLADERUNNER IN 3D?
I’m not sure it would. The other factor is those films where not made in 3d where as clash of the titans was made to be in 3d so there where scenes specially put in to wow and amaze in 3d (but not a lot else).
I have an sort of photographic memory7 for films I have scean. I can kinda replay scenes in my head. But thinking about clash of the titans. I cant really rember what bits where in 3D (an interestion point to probably no one but myself)
This things that didn’t work so well. The method used for the 3d was the dolby 3D. with is quite a clever 3d method. It used interference lenses to only allow certain wavelengths of light to each eye. So both eyes are getting all the colours but different wavelengths.
There is one problem with this the fact you loose light. In a dim cinema loosing 20% (im guessing) is quite a lot to loose and I felt that it was like watching tv with my sunglasses on.
Also computer-generated elements of the film worked a lot better than “real” elements. At some points the wrong things seemed to be in focus to me.
A nearer object sticking out of the screen and thus closer to me would be out of focus, the person talking would be in focus. But I had a waking depth out of focus object closer to and I found it a bit off putting.
Also there seemed to be an odd effect with people, they seemed to standing on top of themselves. Very hard to explain this , but when you saw a person in 3d. it looked like they had someone standing behind them because the two angles gave you slightly more than you should be able to see. This as well put me off. And at some points I found myself closing 1 eye until some more computer crash bang wolp came on.
Now im not going into the film lets just say it was adequate and that I don’t really like the fact that they remade a classic.
I want to talk about 3d cinema
At this time I haven’t seen avatar. And its not on in the cinema anymore so ill probably see it in 2d on blu ray.
Is a film made better by it being in 3d? I think it makes an average film better in a novelty way.
Now most special effect films with big action scenes , big explosions, dizzying heights ect. The 3d adds scale and makes the film bigger. Because lets face it that’s what the film wants to be BIG. How can you make action film A bigger than action film B. 3D!
But would 3d make truly brilliant films better?
The userwel suspects in 3D?
It’s a wonderful life in 3D?
Reservoir dogs in 3D?
BLADERUNNER IN 3D?
I’m not sure it would. The other factor is those films where not made in 3d where as clash of the titans was made to be in 3d so there where scenes specially put in to wow and amaze in 3d (but not a lot else).
I have an sort of photographic memory7 for films I have scean. I can kinda replay scenes in my head. But thinking about clash of the titans. I cant really rember what bits where in 3D (an interestion point to probably no one but myself)
This things that didn’t work so well. The method used for the 3d was the dolby 3D. with is quite a clever 3d method. It used interference lenses to only allow certain wavelengths of light to each eye. So both eyes are getting all the colours but different wavelengths.
There is one problem with this the fact you loose light. In a dim cinema loosing 20% (im guessing) is quite a lot to loose and I felt that it was like watching tv with my sunglasses on.
Also computer-generated elements of the film worked a lot better than “real” elements. At some points the wrong things seemed to be in focus to me.
A nearer object sticking out of the screen and thus closer to me would be out of focus, the person talking would be in focus. But I had a waking depth out of focus object closer to and I found it a bit off putting.
Also there seemed to be an odd effect with people, they seemed to standing on top of themselves. Very hard to explain this , but when you saw a person in 3d. it looked like they had someone standing behind them because the two angles gave you slightly more than you should be able to see. This as well put me off. And at some points I found myself closing 1 eye until some more computer crash bang wolp came on.
There are lost of 2d clues to depth perception. If an object is bigger than another object that you know to be the same size you know the bigger is closer. Shadows , and overlapping.
The 3d only adds parallax. This is whaere a closer object moves against the way you are moving and distant objects appear to move in the same direction. An example of this is look out the side window of a car moving , things you pass appear to move in opposite but hills seem to be moving in the same direction (but at a different rate) not the best example there. But im sure you dint come here for a my excellent spelling and a geometric optics lecture.
Now as I have only seen 1 film in 3D. well I have actually seem 3
Creature from the black lagoon. This was with red and green glasses
Some imax cartoon this was with polarized filters
Clash of the titans the Dolby 3d method
Is 3d cinema just a gimmick….. At this stage I have to say I think it is.
I think it can be used for something something that the viewer looses buy watching it on tv….
SPORT!
I think 3d tv sport is the future for this not film. Watching on 2d you loose what you would see by being there. Football, rugby, tennis would all benefit from the view being able to see the positions of things in 3d. I don’t think that would be a gimick
Time will tell
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
A women came in my shop. she was elderly and a bit odd and referred to her self in the 3rd person just as much as she didn’t.
And also refered to herself as sainsbury and sainsburys
On the paperwork it was sainsbrys but that paperwork was from someware else
And also refered to herself as sainsbury and sainsburys
On the paperwork it was sainsbrys but that paperwork was from someware else
“so is your name sainsbry or sainsbrys its just you have used both”
she looked at me a little annoyed “its sainsbry”
“right cos on the paperwork its says sainsbrys”
“its sainsbry the same as the shop”
“umm the shop is sainbry’s…..”
“well my names not plural”
“so you name is without the S”
“yes its got an S its sainsbry”
“I was referring to the s at the end”
“there is no s at the end its spelt like the supermarket”
“yeah I was just checking because you have used both”
“so you cant remember my name”
“yes I can rember your name”
“can you call me a taxi…”
“yes ofcorse”
“for mrs sainsbrys going to …….”
Friday, April 16, 2010
2 nutters for you today
One comes in wanting me to look at their nose…… I know that pretty close to your eyes…. But its still not actually your eyes. Thus not really my field of expertise.
The second was a very bad liar.
“hello madam…. You seem to have cancelled you direct debit with us”
“I have never had a direct debit with you”
“Yes you have you have had it for a number of years but you cancelled it in October. So unless you restart it I can continue to supply you with goods”
“oh ok then”
she starts to fill in the form
“umm I don’t know the address of my bank”
“is it the same account as you had the direct debit with us before?”
“No its not it’s a different account”
I scream AHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHAAAAA in my head
I took her about 15 second to forget she had lied to me….. Children standing over a broken vase with bits of it in their hand saying I didn’t do it are better liars than that
One comes in wanting me to look at their nose…… I know that pretty close to your eyes…. But its still not actually your eyes. Thus not really my field of expertise.
The second was a very bad liar.
“hello madam…. You seem to have cancelled you direct debit with us”
“I have never had a direct debit with you”
“Yes you have you have had it for a number of years but you cancelled it in October. So unless you restart it I can continue to supply you with goods”
“oh ok then”
she starts to fill in the form
“umm I don’t know the address of my bank”
“is it the same account as you had the direct debit with us before?”
“No its not it’s a different account”
I scream AHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHAAAAA in my head
I took her about 15 second to forget she had lied to me….. Children standing over a broken vase with bits of it in their hand saying I didn’t do it are better liars than that
Monday, March 01, 2010
Generally feeling a bit rough and feverish. I summoned up the strength to get up and stick the washing on. As I press the on button there’s a loud bang and the washing machine dies in a puff of white smoke than then bleeds stale water all over the floor. Much cursing happens. And its not even a consolation that I now don’t have to do the washing.
I get in the car….. Engine temp water light is on….. That’s not good. Some one in the family says they will have a gander at it. I drive to there with the light stareing me in the face. I stop after a while to let it cool. And the car does a big wee all over the side of the A303. much cursing happens.
The cat also appears to not be in a good mood. Generally trying to wound the wife and me.
I get in the car….. Engine temp water light is on….. That’s not good. Some one in the family says they will have a gander at it. I drive to there with the light stareing me in the face. I stop after a while to let it cool. And the car does a big wee all over the side of the A303. much cursing happens.
The cat also appears to not be in a good mood. Generally trying to wound the wife and me.
Also I don’t recommend norovirus…. It fucking sucks. That’s why I haven’t been doing many updates
also some stupid chaz kid is giveing out my email again thinking its his. all the stupid emo chaves sending me mail and msn requests can cock of. and next time he trys to send me his xbox after its repaired im gonna keep it
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Its amazing how embarrassment makes people lie
Some does something amazingly stupid and its going to cost them they say “I dunno how it got like that”
I seen pairs of glasses that look like they have been walked on by a carnival precession consisting of mainly elephants, and the person puts teher hand on their heart looks me in the eye and says I just opened the case this morning and they where like that. When I sagest that that could be true but they are leaving out the bit where the jumped up and down on then and then put them in the case so that when they open the case this morning the glasses where like it. They tend to get very angry. Because something they did that was stupid is now going to cost them. Most people come in saying that the fell apart over night in the case. And complain that the glasses a faulty and want a new pair.
Today’s bell end didn’t even have the intelligence to lie properly.
“These glasses have fallen apart…. “
“ok… lets have a look”
“thay are soo week”
“ umm… they look like that have been crushed”
“no….. they where just in my pocket”
“in the case?”
“no… and they may have got a little bit squashed”
“so they got crushed in your pocket because they wernt in the case”
“the case breakes them”
“the case …. I thing that designed to protect them when not in use breakes them?”
“yes they are weak glasses.”
“well you crushed them in your pocket”
“well you said they are under guarantee”
“when?”
“when I bought them”
“well yes everything you buy has a guarantee against manufacturing faults but crushing them isn’t a fault…. Its your fault”
“well they are undergarentee and they are weak”
“thay are not garennteed agains you being careless its not a manafaters fault you crusing them. I can get them repaired but you will have to pay for new parts”
“they are under guarantee I paid lots of money for these”
“look it dosnt matter what they cost. If you crused them you crushed them. They would have the same damage, no matter what they cost”
“well im not happy about this”
“(WELL IM NOT HAPPY ABOUT YOU BEING ALIVE) would you like me to send them away to be repaired?”
“go on then….”
Some does something amazingly stupid and its going to cost them they say “I dunno how it got like that”
I seen pairs of glasses that look like they have been walked on by a carnival precession consisting of mainly elephants, and the person puts teher hand on their heart looks me in the eye and says I just opened the case this morning and they where like that. When I sagest that that could be true but they are leaving out the bit where the jumped up and down on then and then put them in the case so that when they open the case this morning the glasses where like it. They tend to get very angry. Because something they did that was stupid is now going to cost them. Most people come in saying that the fell apart over night in the case. And complain that the glasses a faulty and want a new pair.
Today’s bell end didn’t even have the intelligence to lie properly.
“These glasses have fallen apart…. “
“ok… lets have a look”
“thay are soo week”
“ umm… they look like that have been crushed”
“no….. they where just in my pocket”
“in the case?”
“no… and they may have got a little bit squashed”
“so they got crushed in your pocket because they wernt in the case”
“the case breakes them”
“the case …. I thing that designed to protect them when not in use breakes them?”
“yes they are weak glasses.”
“well you crushed them in your pocket”
“well you said they are under guarantee”
“when?”
“when I bought them”
“well yes everything you buy has a guarantee against manufacturing faults but crushing them isn’t a fault…. Its your fault”
“well they are undergarentee and they are weak”
“thay are not garennteed agains you being careless its not a manafaters fault you crusing them. I can get them repaired but you will have to pay for new parts”
“they are under guarantee I paid lots of money for these”
“look it dosnt matter what they cost. If you crused them you crushed them. They would have the same damage, no matter what they cost”
“well im not happy about this”
“(WELL IM NOT HAPPY ABOUT YOU BEING ALIVE) would you like me to send them away to be repaired?”
“go on then….”
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
2009 game awards
As decided by me
The winner of most pointless remake is …..The Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena
Re release the first game and tack on some shitty ad on pack and charge lost of money. Should just save your self the money buy grabbing the xbox verson out the bargin bin for £9
The winner of why the hell am I playing this its more addictive and life destroying than crack is… peggle
Bright colours encouraging sounds….. missing meals because you must just finish that last lvl ….
Best remake…… monkey island
Still I think remakes are a bit pointless. But butifly updated graphics and sound. And kept the plot untouched. Pure class
Hardest 1 bullet scrapes passed you and you die of a heart attack so defiantly nor for pussys fps of the year is …….. Operation flashpoint dragon rising.
In hard mode. No save point no hud. Infact nothing helping you at all. Spend 2 hours crawling on your belly. Most likely what id be like in a real war.
Most improved sequel of the year… assassins creed 2.
Took out 90% of the bullshit from the first game, good effort B-
Game that’s labled as a game but its pretty much and add-on pack you pay full price for…. Joint winners , left 4 dead 2 and halo ODST
Left for dead was in the first place an add on to halflife 2 and they made us pay full wack and now they have released a sequel they expect you to pay full wack for again. Halo. Chalks up the win here for making you pay for multiplayer lvls you have already payed for and a single player campain with is fun but short and hence essecaly an add-on pack
Most disappointing plot of the year….. modern warfare 2
The first game was at least grounded in reality. Thins game the “writers” went totally snooker loopy
Most disappointingly short game of the year…. modern warfare 2
I played this game in the hardest difficulty and I wrapped it all up in about 8 hours. If id been playing it in easy. I recon this game would be around 15 mins…. Totally not worth the price especially if you got some of the crazy special addition versions of this game
Worst game of the year that I actually payed for…. WET
Everything that is wrong with games is displayed here. Just bad…. No fun to play at all
And finally best game of the year..... Batman archam asylum.
Need I say more ist got fucking batman in it.
As decided by me
The winner of most pointless remake is …..The Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena
Re release the first game and tack on some shitty ad on pack and charge lost of money. Should just save your self the money buy grabbing the xbox verson out the bargin bin for £9
The winner of why the hell am I playing this its more addictive and life destroying than crack is… peggle
Bright colours encouraging sounds….. missing meals because you must just finish that last lvl ….
Best remake…… monkey island
Still I think remakes are a bit pointless. But butifly updated graphics and sound. And kept the plot untouched. Pure class
Hardest 1 bullet scrapes passed you and you die of a heart attack so defiantly nor for pussys fps of the year is …….. Operation flashpoint dragon rising.
In hard mode. No save point no hud. Infact nothing helping you at all. Spend 2 hours crawling on your belly. Most likely what id be like in a real war.
Most improved sequel of the year… assassins creed 2.
Took out 90% of the bullshit from the first game, good effort B-
Game that’s labled as a game but its pretty much and add-on pack you pay full price for…. Joint winners , left 4 dead 2 and halo ODST
Left for dead was in the first place an add on to halflife 2 and they made us pay full wack and now they have released a sequel they expect you to pay full wack for again. Halo. Chalks up the win here for making you pay for multiplayer lvls you have already payed for and a single player campain with is fun but short and hence essecaly an add-on pack
Most disappointing plot of the year….. modern warfare 2
The first game was at least grounded in reality. Thins game the “writers” went totally snooker loopy
Most disappointingly short game of the year…. modern warfare 2
I played this game in the hardest difficulty and I wrapped it all up in about 8 hours. If id been playing it in easy. I recon this game would be around 15 mins…. Totally not worth the price especially if you got some of the crazy special addition versions of this game
Worst game of the year that I actually payed for…. WET
Everything that is wrong with games is displayed here. Just bad…. No fun to play at all
And finally best game of the year..... Batman archam asylum.
Need I say more ist got fucking batman in it.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Thursday, December 03, 2009
Do you know what my problem is …… im too bloody nice.
This happens more and more to me.
Customer comes in, hands me a pair of glasses. And they say they want new lenses in them. When I look at them it turns out they already have exactly what the want in them they have handed me the wrong pair. The others are in a draw at home. The person I s a bit old and forgetful and it terns out they have been wearing their old glasses for a year or more and there brand new ones that have never been warn they think are there old ones. And then they want them brought up to date……. Evan though they already are.
I point out to them they must have another pair at home. Because my orders show that the glasses should be blue not brown, and a totally different size and colour. But they never believe me. Im trying to save them money and they think im lieing. Just because they have been a fool. I can change the lenses for you if you want . but ill be making up exactly the same as already in them.
The latest woman thinks im lie so much shes coming back to talk to my manager.
I know what I should have done. Told her they would be ready in 1 hour. Stick them on my desk. Read the paper, and in 1 hour hand them back and pocket the cash.
But I don’t coz im too bloody nice and ripping of pensioners is not my stile no matter how much they want me to.
This happens more and more to me.
Customer comes in, hands me a pair of glasses. And they say they want new lenses in them. When I look at them it turns out they already have exactly what the want in them they have handed me the wrong pair. The others are in a draw at home. The person I s a bit old and forgetful and it terns out they have been wearing their old glasses for a year or more and there brand new ones that have never been warn they think are there old ones. And then they want them brought up to date……. Evan though they already are.
I point out to them they must have another pair at home. Because my orders show that the glasses should be blue not brown, and a totally different size and colour. But they never believe me. Im trying to save them money and they think im lieing. Just because they have been a fool. I can change the lenses for you if you want . but ill be making up exactly the same as already in them.
The latest woman thinks im lie so much shes coming back to talk to my manager.
I know what I should have done. Told her they would be ready in 1 hour. Stick them on my desk. Read the paper, and in 1 hour hand them back and pocket the cash.
But I don’t coz im too bloody nice and ripping of pensioners is not my stile no matter how much they want me to.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Please note I cannot be held responsible for any mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, karma, dharma, metaphysical, religious, philosophical, Logical , Ethical, Aesthetical, or financial damage caused by this post
Over hearing “conversations” from winos outside
“you read this shit….. foreigners cunts getting a 1.8 milling quid house in London…. Fucking foreign cunts…..”
“don’t get me started…..(lots of racist incomprehendable swearing here).
The 3 winos then shout at some bloke at the other end of the street saying something about hamas…. The swig cans of K cider and special brew then beging to “sing” a nirvana song….
“yeah so I have to do some (insert a 3 letter abbreviation here) report fucking waste of time that is , but the fucking thing got me 12 months off my sentence, I served 5 days and the cunts gave me a flat” he then shouts some more rasest things at passers by and kicks his dog.
i wish i owned a gun and a licence to kill
Over hearing “conversations” from winos outside
“you read this shit….. foreigners cunts getting a 1.8 milling quid house in London…. Fucking foreign cunts…..”
“don’t get me started…..(lots of racist incomprehendable swearing here).
The 3 winos then shout at some bloke at the other end of the street saying something about hamas…. The swig cans of K cider and special brew then beging to “sing” a nirvana song….
“yeah so I have to do some (insert a 3 letter abbreviation here) report fucking waste of time that is , but the fucking thing got me 12 months off my sentence, I served 5 days and the cunts gave me a flat” he then shouts some more rasest things at passers by and kicks his dog.
i wish i owned a gun and a licence to kill
Monday, November 09, 2009
Why I hate EA… (me being a fanboy here sorry)
Well hate is a strong word…. Ok they are not all bad….. but only in the way that Hitler wasn’t all bad.
What I dislike is the way they spot a small company that makes something good, buys that little company, amalgamate it in to there huge machine and the little cogs have no creativity anymore, lost the spark that made there good idea special in the first place.
And the other thing the do is release a game. Then slowly release add on packs and you end up spending 2 or 3 times what you would have paid if it had all been in one game. See the sims of burn out paradise.
The biggest thing that’s upset me is the have put criterion on making the new need for speed game. And even know I knew they would do this im still annoyed. (c’mon harry its only a game)
Burnout 1. good effort for a first game. Very similar to thrill drive.
Burnout 2 . fast, crashes pretty. I love love love this game.
Burnout 3 added the fact that you can takedown the other racers. A thing I always though should have been in burnout2
Burnout 4 or revenge. Pretty much the same as 3 but you could start to feel the meddling or EA
Burnout 5 paradise. I see why someone thought open word would be good. But to honest is was bad. For the purpose of it being a multiplayer destruction derby thing then yeah that was fun . But it wasn’t burnout. The fast racing was gone as was crash mode. The best party game since all female jelly twister. I bought it expecting to hate the open world thing and I did. The game was fun but it wasn’t burnout. If it had been called someing else I would have seid “yeah that games good but not as fun as the burnout games that company used to make” I think it was sold as a burnout game just so it had the burnout name coz that would get sales.
It was annoused earlier in the year that the criterion team are now making the new need for speed game. The need for speed game was the biggest competitor of the burn out games. It like the pro evo team making the new fifa. Or the silent hill team making the resident evil..
EA have bought the team that made top notch racing games and put them to work on their vastly inferior competitor.
Little cogs in the ea machine
Well hate is a strong word…. Ok they are not all bad….. but only in the way that Hitler wasn’t all bad.
What I dislike is the way they spot a small company that makes something good, buys that little company, amalgamate it in to there huge machine and the little cogs have no creativity anymore, lost the spark that made there good idea special in the first place.
And the other thing the do is release a game. Then slowly release add on packs and you end up spending 2 or 3 times what you would have paid if it had all been in one game. See the sims of burn out paradise.
The biggest thing that’s upset me is the have put criterion on making the new need for speed game. And even know I knew they would do this im still annoyed. (c’mon harry its only a game)
Burnout 1. good effort for a first game. Very similar to thrill drive.
Burnout 2 . fast, crashes pretty. I love love love this game.
Burnout 3 added the fact that you can takedown the other racers. A thing I always though should have been in burnout2
Burnout 4 or revenge. Pretty much the same as 3 but you could start to feel the meddling or EA
Burnout 5 paradise. I see why someone thought open word would be good. But to honest is was bad. For the purpose of it being a multiplayer destruction derby thing then yeah that was fun . But it wasn’t burnout. The fast racing was gone as was crash mode. The best party game since all female jelly twister. I bought it expecting to hate the open world thing and I did. The game was fun but it wasn’t burnout. If it had been called someing else I would have seid “yeah that games good but not as fun as the burnout games that company used to make” I think it was sold as a burnout game just so it had the burnout name coz that would get sales.
It was annoused earlier in the year that the criterion team are now making the new need for speed game. The need for speed game was the biggest competitor of the burn out games. It like the pro evo team making the new fifa. Or the silent hill team making the resident evil..
EA have bought the team that made top notch racing games and put them to work on their vastly inferior competitor.
Little cogs in the ea machine
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Please note I cannot be held responsible for any mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, karma, dharma, metaphysical, religious, philosophical, Logical , Ethical, Aesthetical, or financial damage caused by this post
Do you know what pisses me off…..
Well quite a lot of things … but mainly today scroungers…..
A short man walks in asking for his glasses to be repaired. They are a year or 2 old and haven’t had a good life. (the glasses not him hes about 50). On slightly closer inspection (I didn’t dare touch them I haven’t been keeping up with my inoculations) I saw they where of the lowest quality possible. Im not going to mention the name of where they where purchased from all I’ll say is he shouldn’t have gone there.
He throws a grubby piece of paper infront of me that had horrible tide makes on it from him. It was a for outlining the benefits system and entailment to money for glasses.
“they say I have to pay for them” pointing roughly at the wall behind me presumably in the direction of the other opticians. I don’t dare turn my head and the charity box on my desk disappears when people like him are in and I take my eyes off it.
“well yes sir you do”
“it says here I don’t”
“sir that says there that….. people under the age of 16 are entitled to a repair voucher”
“yeah see I get a repair voucher”
“but your over 16”
“yeah it says over 16”
“only children get free repairs”
…….. he scans the paper……..”says here other people can too”
“well yes that true … but that a way of putting that disabled people can get repairs”
“Im disabled”
……the fucker walked in the place “well if for people who are very disabled”
“I am”
(I don’t fucking doubt that)…. “I mean people who are severally mentally and physically handicapped”
he just looks at me
“look sir you not entitled… its only for people so disabled they can even get to the shop”
“well I got no money”
“look I didn’t make those glasses there pretty cheep by the looks of them. If you got them on a voucher in the first place they had to cost around £36”
he interrupts me “they where free”
“yes I know you didn’t pay for them the NHS did and they cost £36 because that the value of the voucher. So logically if the frame and lenses cost 36. the frame would most likely be around £15 and they sould be able to get you a new one and pop your lenses in that”
“well im disabled I fall over a lot…”
I look at his shopping 8 cans of special brew
I don’t think the fucker interpratated my next stare correctly. It was a why are you complaining to me about some product from another shop, whilst you try to swindle the health care system that my tax money pays for when if you didn’t by 8 cans of antifreeze larger you could easily have the glasses fixed type stare.
Admittedly there's a lot to read from that look.
Also today if anyone wants to come kill the racist thug that stands out side my shop shouting racist names at people and threatening to kick them in it would be much appreciated.
And DO NOT PUT alkyl ethersulfate, ethoxylated alkyl phenol, tri-quaternary cocoabased phospholipid and silica gel with titanium dioxide. in your eye it results in a trip to A&E
Do you know what pisses me off…..
Well quite a lot of things … but mainly today scroungers…..
A short man walks in asking for his glasses to be repaired. They are a year or 2 old and haven’t had a good life. (the glasses not him hes about 50). On slightly closer inspection (I didn’t dare touch them I haven’t been keeping up with my inoculations) I saw they where of the lowest quality possible. Im not going to mention the name of where they where purchased from all I’ll say is he shouldn’t have gone there.
He throws a grubby piece of paper infront of me that had horrible tide makes on it from him. It was a for outlining the benefits system and entailment to money for glasses.
“they say I have to pay for them” pointing roughly at the wall behind me presumably in the direction of the other opticians. I don’t dare turn my head and the charity box on my desk disappears when people like him are in and I take my eyes off it.
“well yes sir you do”
“it says here I don’t”
“sir that says there that….. people under the age of 16 are entitled to a repair voucher”
“yeah see I get a repair voucher”
“but your over 16”
“yeah it says over 16”
“only children get free repairs”
…….. he scans the paper……..”says here other people can too”
“well yes that true … but that a way of putting that disabled people can get repairs”
“Im disabled”
……the fucker walked in the place “well if for people who are very disabled”
“I am”
(I don’t fucking doubt that)…. “I mean people who are severally mentally and physically handicapped”
he just looks at me
“look sir you not entitled… its only for people so disabled they can even get to the shop”
“well I got no money”
“look I didn’t make those glasses there pretty cheep by the looks of them. If you got them on a voucher in the first place they had to cost around £36”
he interrupts me “they where free”
“yes I know you didn’t pay for them the NHS did and they cost £36 because that the value of the voucher. So logically if the frame and lenses cost 36. the frame would most likely be around £15 and they sould be able to get you a new one and pop your lenses in that”
“well im disabled I fall over a lot…”
I look at his shopping 8 cans of special brew
I don’t think the fucker interpratated my next stare correctly. It was a why are you complaining to me about some product from another shop, whilst you try to swindle the health care system that my tax money pays for when if you didn’t by 8 cans of antifreeze larger you could easily have the glasses fixed type stare.
Admittedly there's a lot to read from that look.
Also today if anyone wants to come kill the racist thug that stands out side my shop shouting racist names at people and threatening to kick them in it would be much appreciated.
And DO NOT PUT alkyl ethersulfate, ethoxylated alkyl phenol, tri-quaternary cocoabased phospholipid and silica gel with titanium dioxide. in your eye it results in a trip to A&E
Friday, October 30, 2009
Some people are weird
Standing in the bank I couldn’t help over some loud mouth chavy woman screaming at the staff.
“its fucking ridiculous that you have but a fucking block on my account just coz someone has take 40quid out…. id fucking understand if it was like 400 but its only 40 quid its fucking ridiculous this banks a fucking joke”
now if some one had take 40quid from my account I would want the back manage to personally stalk the mother fucker that took the money and when the find them go medieval with some pliers, a car battery and a bat with nails in.
but this woman took objection to the bank trying to stop people from stealing her money. Perhaps if I just asked her for 40 quid she’d give it to me?
The bitch didn’t look that rich to me. But then I don’t know the cost of velour track suits, claires accessories 8 inch hoop earrings, and enough bacardi breezers and dominos to get that fucking fat.
Standing in the bank I couldn’t help over some loud mouth chavy woman screaming at the staff.
“its fucking ridiculous that you have but a fucking block on my account just coz someone has take 40quid out…. id fucking understand if it was like 400 but its only 40 quid its fucking ridiculous this banks a fucking joke”
now if some one had take 40quid from my account I would want the back manage to personally stalk the mother fucker that took the money and when the find them go medieval with some pliers, a car battery and a bat with nails in.
but this woman took objection to the bank trying to stop people from stealing her money. Perhaps if I just asked her for 40 quid she’d give it to me?
The bitch didn’t look that rich to me. But then I don’t know the cost of velour track suits, claires accessories 8 inch hoop earrings, and enough bacardi breezers and dominos to get that fucking fat.
Friday, October 16, 2009
retard of the day....
sitting at my desk someone walks in
“Hello can I help you”
“I got this…..(hands me a piece of paper)”
“(I skim read it)…… umm ok that’s a piece of paper telling you to make an appointment for an operation………(he just looks at me)………at the hospital”
“can I speak to the doctor”
“we don’t have a doctor we are an opticians”
“yes…..”
“…… (I look oddly at his strange little bald head)…. So…..”
“I wanted to talk to the doctor so they’d tell me what to do……”
“(I take the piece of paper back….. I start at the very beginning ) is this you mr….”
“yes….”
“good. Now it say her you need to phone the hospital and make an appointment… look the number here”
“what option do I pick”
“what…”
“it says there pick option”
“well yes… but there is only 1 option”
“there different things”
“no they are the same thing. Ones the department at the hospitol, and written after that is the name of the hospital”
“they are different”
“no they are the same place”
“but 2 things”
“no its at firmly park hospital”
“2 options”
“look. There is only 1 place listed…. The department at firmly park. If you lived near 2 hospitals they probably would give you a choice of with hospital you wanted to go to or something. But you don’t”
“so witch one is the closest to me”
“theres only 1 hospital on the list.”
“but witch do I pick the department or the hospital”
“they are the same thing”
“witch hospital is the closest to where I live?”
“where do you live?”
“north camp”
“firmly park then”
“so… “
“(I quickly interrupt before he can ask me witch option again) NOW you need to phone firmly… look the phone numbers there…. (I point it out quite over dramatically) make your appointment for your operation”
“he scans the letter for a long time as I stand there with a very thin smile…he looks at me in way that tells me he doesn’t believe what I have told him). Umm….ok”
he walks out.
what a fucking dick! I think to myself wasting NHS money on retards there should be some mandatory IQ test before you are entitled to NHS treatment.
Then I think for another few seconds.
The letter was to book in for surgery. Meaning hes already been to the department on the peace of paper at firmly park hospital. A consultant must have already examined him and desided if he needs treatment. etc….
Yeah mandatory spacktrad testing before automatic entitlement to NHS treatment…..
sitting at my desk someone walks in
“Hello can I help you”
“I got this…..(hands me a piece of paper)”
“(I skim read it)…… umm ok that’s a piece of paper telling you to make an appointment for an operation………(he just looks at me)………at the hospital”
“can I speak to the doctor”
“we don’t have a doctor we are an opticians”
“yes…..”
“…… (I look oddly at his strange little bald head)…. So…..”
“I wanted to talk to the doctor so they’d tell me what to do……”
“(I take the piece of paper back….. I start at the very beginning ) is this you mr….”
“yes….”
“good. Now it say her you need to phone the hospital and make an appointment… look the number here”
“what option do I pick”
“what…”
“it says there pick option”
“well yes… but there is only 1 option”
“there different things”
“no they are the same thing. Ones the department at the hospitol, and written after that is the name of the hospital”
“they are different”
“no they are the same place”
“but 2 things”
“no its at firmly park hospital”
“2 options”
“look. There is only 1 place listed…. The department at firmly park. If you lived near 2 hospitals they probably would give you a choice of with hospital you wanted to go to or something. But you don’t”
“so witch one is the closest to me”
“theres only 1 hospital on the list.”
“but witch do I pick the department or the hospital”
“they are the same thing”
“witch hospital is the closest to where I live?”
“where do you live?”
“north camp”
“firmly park then”
“so… “
“(I quickly interrupt before he can ask me witch option again) NOW you need to phone firmly… look the phone numbers there…. (I point it out quite over dramatically) make your appointment for your operation”
“he scans the letter for a long time as I stand there with a very thin smile…he looks at me in way that tells me he doesn’t believe what I have told him). Umm….ok”
he walks out.
what a fucking dick! I think to myself wasting NHS money on retards there should be some mandatory IQ test before you are entitled to NHS treatment.
Then I think for another few seconds.
The letter was to book in for surgery. Meaning hes already been to the department on the peace of paper at firmly park hospital. A consultant must have already examined him and desided if he needs treatment. etc….
Yeah mandatory spacktrad testing before automatic entitlement to NHS treatment…..
Monday, October 12, 2009
Sorry to all my lady fans
I took the one of you that I chose (the one of you females that tolerates me…..and doesn’t spray stingy liquid in my eyes when ever I approach). To a swanky restaurant. Then after the duck course when I know she would be too full to run away. Produced a dozen red roses. Her favrote chocolates. And the ring she had had her heart set on. On one knee I popped the question…..
I took the one of you that I chose (the one of you females that tolerates me…..and doesn’t spray stingy liquid in my eyes when ever I approach). To a swanky restaurant. Then after the duck course when I know she would be too full to run away. Produced a dozen red roses. Her favrote chocolates. And the ring she had had her heart set on. On one knee I popped the question…..
Thursday, September 24, 2009
I run exhausted to the jewellers holding my receipt ready to collect my….(well it not my its hers) engagement ring. Io gets there at 5:20. and some snotty little gut behind the door saying they are closed and wont let me collect. Muther fucker. I stop home pissed of trying to thing how im going to adjust my plans….
Next morning after a bad night all coz twat boy would let me have the ring I march up there just after 9…… sign that was not on the door yeasterday…. Closed for staff training….
They are lucking I didn’t have exposer to gamma rays in a lab someware when i was younger
a few hours later
i collect the ring ... grumble to the woman about not being open etc.....
i take the ring home and think maybe is should go see the wife at work and check it fits......
then i notice..... the rings gem setting ic cracked!!!!!! and where they have resized it. the gold its 2 diffrent colours... its not evan close to matching.... they have ruind the ring she had her hart set on......
i cant even explane how angry i am......
Next morning after a bad night all coz twat boy would let me have the ring I march up there just after 9…… sign that was not on the door yeasterday…. Closed for staff training….
They are lucking I didn’t have exposer to gamma rays in a lab someware when i was younger
a few hours later
i collect the ring ... grumble to the woman about not being open etc.....
i take the ring home and think maybe is should go see the wife at work and check it fits......
then i notice..... the rings gem setting ic cracked!!!!!! and where they have resized it. the gold its 2 diffrent colours... its not evan close to matching.... they have ruind the ring she had her hart set on......
i cant even explane how angry i am......
Saturday, September 05, 2009
My travels …… part 1 getting there
Heathrow terminal 5 is pretty good. From check in to duty free in roughly 10 mins. That what I like in my airports. And but some fortuitous coincidence. Where we checked in was unbelievably close to our gate. Not like the last time I flew and I had to hike 45min across Gatwick. Id been warned that the Canadian customs are funny about what they let you bring in. only 1ltr of your favrote poison. So that 2 cans of larger or 1 bottle Dr. Rutgarts mad dog insanity overproof sipping liquor / engine degreaser. So the choice was easy. Find myself a alcohol mule. Other people I was flying with where now carrying my Smirnoff blue label. 2 weeks away im gonna at least need to ltr of vodka.
9and a half hours, the fast and the furious, star trek, and some episodes of porridge later. I crunched down in Calgary
there waiting for me as some pensioners in golf buggies offering to drive me the 200 yards to the customs desk. Yeah that’s exactly what I need after 9 and a half hours sitting down. A bit more. (Perhaps I was tired and a bit grumpy…. Considering I had wanted to walk out on fast and furious knowing full well I was 35000 up)
“Canadian are the nicest people you could ever meet” was a phrase I had still ringing in my ears from everyone I had ever told I was going to Canada. So as chirpily as I could when I got to the customs desk. I said hello, how are you? to the woman. And she staird at me like id just done a shit on her inkpad. I handed her my passport and my imagation pass and some other bit of paper she wanted. But apparently I handed them to her in the wrong order. And she over drematily shuffled them trying to make as much russling noise as possible. I rolled my eyes up and noticed the big sign listing things you cant bring in to Canada. High up on the list was soil. I wish I had some on me. It would be flying in to that woman’s face. She handed me back my paper work. I too 2 steps and handed it to the bloke standing behind her. She was closer than me. He said "welcome to Canada enjoy your stay"
Heathrow terminal 5 is pretty good. From check in to duty free in roughly 10 mins. That what I like in my airports. And but some fortuitous coincidence. Where we checked in was unbelievably close to our gate. Not like the last time I flew and I had to hike 45min across Gatwick. Id been warned that the Canadian customs are funny about what they let you bring in. only 1ltr of your favrote poison. So that 2 cans of larger or 1 bottle Dr. Rutgarts mad dog insanity overproof sipping liquor / engine degreaser. So the choice was easy. Find myself a alcohol mule. Other people I was flying with where now carrying my Smirnoff blue label. 2 weeks away im gonna at least need to ltr of vodka.
9and a half hours, the fast and the furious, star trek, and some episodes of porridge later. I crunched down in Calgary
there waiting for me as some pensioners in golf buggies offering to drive me the 200 yards to the customs desk. Yeah that’s exactly what I need after 9 and a half hours sitting down. A bit more. (Perhaps I was tired and a bit grumpy…. Considering I had wanted to walk out on fast and furious knowing full well I was 35000 up)
“Canadian are the nicest people you could ever meet” was a phrase I had still ringing in my ears from everyone I had ever told I was going to Canada. So as chirpily as I could when I got to the customs desk. I said hello, how are you? to the woman. And she staird at me like id just done a shit on her inkpad. I handed her my passport and my imagation pass and some other bit of paper she wanted. But apparently I handed them to her in the wrong order. And she over drematily shuffled them trying to make as much russling noise as possible. I rolled my eyes up and noticed the big sign listing things you cant bring in to Canada. High up on the list was soil. I wish I had some on me. It would be flying in to that woman’s face. She handed me back my paper work. I too 2 steps and handed it to the bloke standing behind her. She was closer than me. He said "welcome to Canada enjoy your stay"
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Please note I cannot be held responsible for any mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, karma, dharma, metaphysical, religious, philosophical, Logical , Ethical, Aesthetical, or financial damage caused by this post
additianl disclamer. any rough genralistions in the following are ment to be takens at hyperbole
List of odd differences I encountered between Alberta (south nr foothills) and Hampshire
1. you cant get real bacon its like the McDonalds round beacon.
2. a short walk to the shops an back is around 8 miles
3. speed limits are painfully slow
4. 3 in 5 trucks/ cars have a broken windscreen
5. there’s no MOT’s
6. road deaths are higher than a lot of other country’s
7. the driving test seems easy
8. the bigger the better they seem to thing that anything small is no good. This rule applies to almost everything
9. you cant get beer anyware except liquor stores and bars (its like the don’t want you to bloody drink)
10.YOU CAN’T SODDING GET BEER AT THE SUPERMARKET
11. there no family meal pub culture
12. Supermarkets sell guns and ammo
13. there’s lots of hair crimes
14. a lot of people are a little too interested in horses for my likeing
15. people couldn’t understand my strange accent
16. Everyone thought I must be a criminal because I was from Europe
17. the 10 cents coin is smaller than the 5 cents
18. at customs they really really don’t want to let you into the country
19.Most people are really friendly, slightly unnervingly so to begin with. At first I though this was a kind of American “have a nice day” bullshit. But its not
20. People do say EH?
21. everything there is described as awsome. (see linked eddie izzard gag) but pronounced arseoom
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rYT0YvQ3hs
I recommend it. just stock up on duty-free and some good walking shoes
additianl disclamer. any rough genralistions in the following are ment to be takens at hyperbole
List of odd differences I encountered between Alberta (south nr foothills) and Hampshire
1. you cant get real bacon its like the McDonalds round beacon.
2. a short walk to the shops an back is around 8 miles
3. speed limits are painfully slow
4. 3 in 5 trucks/ cars have a broken windscreen
5. there’s no MOT’s
6. road deaths are higher than a lot of other country’s
7. the driving test seems easy
8. the bigger the better they seem to thing that anything small is no good. This rule applies to almost everything
9. you cant get beer anyware except liquor stores and bars (its like the don’t want you to bloody drink)
10.YOU CAN’T SODDING GET BEER AT THE SUPERMARKET
11. there no family meal pub culture
12. Supermarkets sell guns and ammo
13. there’s lots of hair crimes
14. a lot of people are a little too interested in horses for my likeing
15. people couldn’t understand my strange accent
16. Everyone thought I must be a criminal because I was from Europe
17. the 10 cents coin is smaller than the 5 cents
18. at customs they really really don’t want to let you into the country
19.Most people are really friendly, slightly unnervingly so to begin with. At first I though this was a kind of American “have a nice day” bullshit. But its not
20. People do say EH?
21. everything there is described as awsome. (see linked eddie izzard gag) but pronounced arseoom
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rYT0YvQ3hs
I recommend it. just stock up on duty-free and some good walking shoes
Monday, July 20, 2009
Harry potter and why the bloody hell are they not getting on and doing anything.
Now I haven’t read the books. Only watched the films.
Im going to say right here that goblet of fire is the best of the Harry potter films (so far 2 to go etc) I liked the way there was this wizard tournament and there was some hidden malevolent forces twisting the result ect. There was a good bit of mystery to it ete.
And the first films where like that to. Since then its all been the bloody same. Ohh yeah voldermort is about (someware…. Wooo isn’t that spooky) and that’s about it. there’s a evil teacher that was basically a bitch from garage hill making kids self-harm. I honestly don’t think that warranted a 2-hour film. Now since goblet of fire they have known that voldermot bin laden has been kicking about someware. And hes got some crazed bird that’s married to tim burton cackling like a pantomime villain doing his bidding. Theres a few others and they are basically indcated because of the music and make-up that accompanies them. Now lets take a guess and say there 20 or so of these death eaters. Now guessing here there must be 1000 people at hogwarts. And we know from goblet of fire theres another 2 schools. So roughly 3000 magic users. 2 parents per kid. 6000 some can not have magic parents so roughly 4000 magic users. There must be magic users without kids or with kids too young for the school system. So im reckoning form my poorly worked out guesses there must be 10000 adult magic users. 10000 vs 20 death eathers and voldermort bin laden.
So why the fuck do low rent gandalf and specky potter (who lets face it get his ass kicked ever step of the way) go off on ther bloody own to cave where they know there gonna be bad stuff. To drink some black goo and be attacked by golem clones from lord of the rings. And whilst im thinking of rip offs the luck potion it was dangerously close to coping red dwarf there…. But then desided to just make harry potter buzzing his titts of. And then jim brordbent just got pissed and told him anyway. Yeah that was lucky.
Now for the remaing 5 hours that I have to wait a year or so for (to be dragged to buy the wife) he’s going to be hunting for the remaing objects wopt de bloody doo. Not some appointed magic used task force. A schoolboy. And I really crap one at that.
In short.
All very well and good not knowing about evil force twisting things from behind closed doors. Now they know about evil why the hell are they sitting with their thumbs up there butts sending schoolboys off to get half drowned buy low rent golem clones
Now I haven’t read the books. Only watched the films.
Im going to say right here that goblet of fire is the best of the Harry potter films (so far 2 to go etc) I liked the way there was this wizard tournament and there was some hidden malevolent forces twisting the result ect. There was a good bit of mystery to it ete.
And the first films where like that to. Since then its all been the bloody same. Ohh yeah voldermort is about (someware…. Wooo isn’t that spooky) and that’s about it. there’s a evil teacher that was basically a bitch from garage hill making kids self-harm. I honestly don’t think that warranted a 2-hour film. Now since goblet of fire they have known that voldermot bin laden has been kicking about someware. And hes got some crazed bird that’s married to tim burton cackling like a pantomime villain doing his bidding. Theres a few others and they are basically indcated because of the music and make-up that accompanies them. Now lets take a guess and say there 20 or so of these death eaters. Now guessing here there must be 1000 people at hogwarts. And we know from goblet of fire theres another 2 schools. So roughly 3000 magic users. 2 parents per kid. 6000 some can not have magic parents so roughly 4000 magic users. There must be magic users without kids or with kids too young for the school system. So im reckoning form my poorly worked out guesses there must be 10000 adult magic users. 10000 vs 20 death eathers and voldermort bin laden.
So why the fuck do low rent gandalf and specky potter (who lets face it get his ass kicked ever step of the way) go off on ther bloody own to cave where they know there gonna be bad stuff. To drink some black goo and be attacked by golem clones from lord of the rings. And whilst im thinking of rip offs the luck potion it was dangerously close to coping red dwarf there…. But then desided to just make harry potter buzzing his titts of. And then jim brordbent just got pissed and told him anyway. Yeah that was lucky.
Now for the remaing 5 hours that I have to wait a year or so for (to be dragged to buy the wife) he’s going to be hunting for the remaing objects wopt de bloody doo. Not some appointed magic used task force. A schoolboy. And I really crap one at that.
In short.
All very well and good not knowing about evil force twisting things from behind closed doors. Now they know about evil why the hell are they sitting with their thumbs up there butts sending schoolboys off to get half drowned buy low rent golem clones
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)