(just couldnt stick to 2 words on the last one)
Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, January 07, 2011
Oct holy crap that was a while ago
Well been planning the wedding a lot and lets just say there’s lots to do. Taken up a lot of time
So one idiot of the week for you
Bloke comes in with very badly bent glasses
“Right sir I’m not sure these are going to take being bent back”
he looks at me angry “well I was told they where indestructible”
“by who?”
“the people that where here before you”
“before me? Well I have been here 11 years”
“oh… but they are supposed to be indestructible”
“sir nothing is indestructible… these are made of titanium so they are light weigh and defiantly would not have been sold as indestructible”
“cant you heat them up”
“pardon?”
“cant you heat them up and bend them back”
“well off the top of my head sir the melting point of titanium is approximately 1500 oC. apart from not being able to touch them i think that might damage the paint”
I go out back and do a damn good job of keeping them in one piece and getting the wearable
“there you go did my best, hopefully last you until you can have an eye test and sort another pair”
“I thought titanium was indestructible”
His angry face changed when I gave him the news “ nothing is indestructible”
He grumbled and walked out with not so much as a thank you for fixing my glasses that I have been a numb nuts and stepped on
Well been planning the wedding a lot and lets just say there’s lots to do. Taken up a lot of time
So one idiot of the week for you
Bloke comes in with very badly bent glasses
“Right sir I’m not sure these are going to take being bent back”
he looks at me angry “well I was told they where indestructible”
“by who?”
“the people that where here before you”
“before me? Well I have been here 11 years”
“oh… but they are supposed to be indestructible”
“sir nothing is indestructible… these are made of titanium so they are light weigh and defiantly would not have been sold as indestructible”
“cant you heat them up”
“pardon?”
“cant you heat them up and bend them back”
“well off the top of my head sir the melting point of titanium is approximately 1500 oC. apart from not being able to touch them i think that might damage the paint”
I go out back and do a damn good job of keeping them in one piece and getting the wearable
“there you go did my best, hopefully last you until you can have an eye test and sort another pair”
“I thought titanium was indestructible”
His angry face changed when I gave him the news “ nothing is indestructible”
He grumbled and walked out with not so much as a thank you for fixing my glasses that I have been a numb nuts and stepped on
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
flu jab
got a bit of cold on at the moment so it seems slightly topical that i noticed this
http://your.asda.com/2009/9/22/asda-offers-uk-s-lowest-price-seasonal-flu-jab
if you dont want to read or click in the link its about that adsa are doing the flu jab for £8
ASDA! holy fuck whats next the tesco maternaty and gallstone unit
got a bit of cold on at the moment so it seems slightly topical that i noticed this
http://your.asda.com/2009/9/22/asda-offers-uk-s-lowest-price-seasonal-flu-jab
if you dont want to read or click in the link its about that adsa are doing the flu jab for £8
ASDA! holy fuck whats next the tesco maternaty and gallstone unit
Friday, September 24, 2010
Knock at the door
A blurry eye me opens it to meet a person in BBC news uniform
“Alright?”
“Hello sir can I interview you for BBC news?”
“Umm what for?”
“He looks at me a bit strange “the explosion! ……in sainsbrys”
I look over his shoulder at sainsbrys its less that 60 yards away from my front door, and I have been in all most of the day and the time I was out I was in sainsbrys…. I notice the store is covered in do not cross tape. i can see tv crews and jornolists. My face obously looks I tiny bit surprised
“you don’t know about it then?”
“umm no”
“Well it looks like a coffee machine exploded around 17 people are injured and 6 or so have been take to hospital”
“ohh bloody hell”
“so you have you not been here all day?”
“umm yeah ive been here”
“and you didn’t see or hear anything?”
“umm no… you see halo reach cam out today and I have had the surround sound up quite loud… lots of explosions…” (I trail off as he looking at me with a disapproving and saddened expression)
“yeah… ok thanks sir” he says slightly sarcastically but mainly with pity
A blurry eye me opens it to meet a person in BBC news uniform
“Alright?”
“Hello sir can I interview you for BBC news?”
“Umm what for?”
“He looks at me a bit strange “the explosion! ……in sainsbrys”
I look over his shoulder at sainsbrys its less that 60 yards away from my front door, and I have been in all most of the day and the time I was out I was in sainsbrys…. I notice the store is covered in do not cross tape. i can see tv crews and jornolists. My face obously looks I tiny bit surprised
“you don’t know about it then?”
“umm no”
“Well it looks like a coffee machine exploded around 17 people are injured and 6 or so have been take to hospital”
“ohh bloody hell”
“so you have you not been here all day?”
“umm yeah ive been here”
“and you didn’t see or hear anything?”
“umm no… you see halo reach cam out today and I have had the surround sound up quite loud… lots of explosions…” (I trail off as he looking at me with a disapproving and saddened expression)
“yeah… ok thanks sir” he says slightly sarcastically but mainly with pity
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Ive got some Oakley x metal julets to fix. They are the massively expensive ones from mission imposable 2
And for some reason who ever designed them desided they shouldn’t have normal screws. The have torx or tourge screws precisely in the T6 screw.
I phone Oakley. On no we don’t supply the screwdrivers. A hardware store or electronics store will sell it.
Great so I have to go buy one just to fix some glasses.
I go into Farnborough hardware and have a bit of a look. Lots of screwdriver sets. But I cant see one with a T6 I can see a T7 and a T8 but no T6. I wait for the woman to stop having an argument about a refund for a scented candle. Then ask
“ ‘scuse me do do you sell T6 torx screwdrivers?”
the woman dose the largest pantomime shrug I have ever seen out side a pantomime and expels air from her mouth with some spit “pppppFFFFtttt”
“look I dunno I just sell stuff…..cant you find one on the self?”
“well no that’s why im asking if you have them”
she starts to look massively inconvenienced “so you can see one on the self?”
“no I cant”
“what about this!” she picks up the first kit she sees and hands it to me.
“no that doesn’t have one it, that’s for wood work mainly”
“whats it for?”
“well it’s a T6 so its used in electrical and some silly makes of glasses”
“is it for a phone?”
“no its not….. but phones probably have them. I can find a T7 and a T8 here but what I need is a T6 do you even know if you sell them?”
“whats it for?”
“well I have a pair of glasses to fix”
“WELL HERE THEN this is what you need” in even more pantomime stile she theatrically picks up a screwdriver kit and pushes it into my hand and looks at me like im a retard.
“ummmm…. This is a kit with a flat head screwdriver in and a glasses hanging cord for round your neck and some spare assorted screws….. its doesn’t contain the screwdriver I want to buy” I put it back on the self
“why are you in here? Take it to an optician”
“I am an optician……DON’T WORRY I’LL GO TO MAPLINS”
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Refund
A man walks in
“hello how can I help you?”
“I want a refund”
“ohh right… what for”
“a sight test”
“you want a refund for a sight test?”
“you owe me £24 plus the cost of a voucher”
“umm… let me just get your record out….. its says here sir you haven’t had a test or any glasses from us since 2007”
“yes”
“I don’t think I understand you sir”
“well I got a letter saying a was on income support so you owe me…..”
“sir if you where on income support at the time we would have checked your entitlement letter and made sure you got what you where entitled to…. Infact here is a had written note from my boss saying you failed to produce any proof of benefits you where receive so you where not entitled to anything”
“well im on benefits so I want my money back”
“you want your money back of a sight test and glasses you had over 3 years ago?”
“yes”
“well technically you need to try to claim your money back from the nhs… and im sorry to tell you this but I wouldn’t hold up much hope. The system has changed as has the entitlements. And it was over 3 years ago. If it was 3 weeks ago you may have some luck but 3 years…”
“so your not going to give me the money”
“umm no. it’s the ns you need to speak to and I really don’t think you’ll get any money back. Look you are due an new test now and it will be on the nhs so why don’t you have a new one and then if you need a change of prescription they will raise a voucher and that will pay for your lenses so you will be up to date.”
“No I want a refund from you”
“well sir that just not possible as I have not supplied you with anything faulty or returnable. Ill phone the nhs for you and see what they will do”
“go on then”
bring bring
“nhs PCT”
“hello I have a patient that wishes to claim back the cost of there eye exam and the value of a optical voucher”
the woman loudly sighs then asks the customers name and details…
“what was the date of the test?”
“2007”
“what?”
“umm yeah the test was 2007”
“ HAHAHAHAHA….. you have a nutter with you don’t you… tell them to have a new test and a voucher”
Complaint about my attitude
Bloke comes in for a sight test
“hello mr.XXXXX for the 10:20 appointment?”
“where’s the woman”
“what the receptionist?”
“yeah the woman whos here”
“well shes not here today its her day off”
“ohh”
“anyway if you’d like to take a seat in the waiting area the optometrist will be with you in a few mins”
he walks of grubleing, has his test and im handed the results and he sits down at my desk
“right well it looks like there’s been a bit of change to your eyes since we last saw you 2 years ago and we can make you see quite I bit better for distance and reading than you are seeing at the moment”
“right?”
“well yes. As im sure the optometrist explained you would benefit from new glasses”
“oh ok” he says like its news to him. But written on the notes word for word is “told customer would benefit from new glasses”
“Would you like to order some today sir?”
“suppose”
“well for the last 10 years you have been having something from our budget range its £70 for the frame and lenses. Or you can have something from a more expensive range but you have had the budget range for the last 10 years and that is sufficient for your needs”
“so whens the woman back”
“she only works 3 days a week and shes back after the weekend…. So do you want to something form the £70 range”
“how much do I have to pay?”
“well it depends what you pick… but you have always had something from the £70 range and that ok for your new prescription”
“so what do I have to pay?”
“well if you pick the £70 range…” he cuts me off
“what does it COST?”
“well £70”
“so what do I have to pay?”
“well if you want something from the £70 range…£70”
“SO WHAT DO I HAVE TO PAY?”
“£70”
“I’m not paying that” in those 4 words before he has uttered the word “that” he is out the door
I think to my self what and odd bloke. The optometrist comes out and says that MR.XXXX was a really odd bloke kept asking about the receptionist.
Now hes come in complaining about me to the owner saying he didn’t like my attitude and that I told him he had to pay £70 and I dint explain what for
I hope the owner says “£70 for glasses you silly cunt ….and leave our receptionist alone”
A man walks in
“hello how can I help you?”
“I want a refund”
“ohh right… what for”
“a sight test”
“you want a refund for a sight test?”
“you owe me £24 plus the cost of a voucher”
“umm… let me just get your record out….. its says here sir you haven’t had a test or any glasses from us since 2007”
“yes”
“I don’t think I understand you sir”
“well I got a letter saying a was on income support so you owe me…..”
“sir if you where on income support at the time we would have checked your entitlement letter and made sure you got what you where entitled to…. Infact here is a had written note from my boss saying you failed to produce any proof of benefits you where receive so you where not entitled to anything”
“well im on benefits so I want my money back”
“you want your money back of a sight test and glasses you had over 3 years ago?”
“yes”
“well technically you need to try to claim your money back from the nhs… and im sorry to tell you this but I wouldn’t hold up much hope. The system has changed as has the entitlements. And it was over 3 years ago. If it was 3 weeks ago you may have some luck but 3 years…”
“so your not going to give me the money”
“umm no. it’s the ns you need to speak to and I really don’t think you’ll get any money back. Look you are due an new test now and it will be on the nhs so why don’t you have a new one and then if you need a change of prescription they will raise a voucher and that will pay for your lenses so you will be up to date.”
“No I want a refund from you”
“well sir that just not possible as I have not supplied you with anything faulty or returnable. Ill phone the nhs for you and see what they will do”
“go on then”
bring bring
“nhs PCT”
“hello I have a patient that wishes to claim back the cost of there eye exam and the value of a optical voucher”
the woman loudly sighs then asks the customers name and details…
“what was the date of the test?”
“2007”
“what?”
“umm yeah the test was 2007”
“ HAHAHAHAHA….. you have a nutter with you don’t you… tell them to have a new test and a voucher”
Complaint about my attitude
Bloke comes in for a sight test
“hello mr.XXXXX for the 10:20 appointment?”
“where’s the woman”
“what the receptionist?”
“yeah the woman whos here”
“well shes not here today its her day off”
“ohh”
“anyway if you’d like to take a seat in the waiting area the optometrist will be with you in a few mins”
he walks of grubleing, has his test and im handed the results and he sits down at my desk
“right well it looks like there’s been a bit of change to your eyes since we last saw you 2 years ago and we can make you see quite I bit better for distance and reading than you are seeing at the moment”
“right?”
“well yes. As im sure the optometrist explained you would benefit from new glasses”
“oh ok” he says like its news to him. But written on the notes word for word is “told customer would benefit from new glasses”
“Would you like to order some today sir?”
“suppose”
“well for the last 10 years you have been having something from our budget range its £70 for the frame and lenses. Or you can have something from a more expensive range but you have had the budget range for the last 10 years and that is sufficient for your needs”
“so whens the woman back”
“she only works 3 days a week and shes back after the weekend…. So do you want to something form the £70 range”
“how much do I have to pay?”
“well it depends what you pick… but you have always had something from the £70 range and that ok for your new prescription”
“so what do I have to pay?”
“well if you pick the £70 range…” he cuts me off
“what does it COST?”
“well £70”
“so what do I have to pay?”
“well if you want something from the £70 range…£70”
“SO WHAT DO I HAVE TO PAY?”
“£70”
“I’m not paying that” in those 4 words before he has uttered the word “that” he is out the door
I think to my self what and odd bloke. The optometrist comes out and says that MR.XXXX was a really odd bloke kept asking about the receptionist.
Now hes come in complaining about me to the owner saying he didn’t like my attitude and that I told him he had to pay £70 and I dint explain what for
I hope the owner says “£70 for glasses you silly cunt ….and leave our receptionist alone”
Monday, May 24, 2010
Two drunk middle age rough as badgers arse women stagger across the road. The 2 of them using all there power to have the ability to approximate ambulation. The stagger leads them towards my shop door. I start to think negative thoughts. At the last min the chance course in smash into my window. The shout spit and swear loudly for a few mins…
Im screaming in my head wishing I could hate them to death.
Then police woman appears and walks towards them
Beethoven’s ode to joy starts playing in my head
Then when the police woman arrives the drunk women say
“alright sharron?”
“yeah not bad you girlds facny a drink?”
“yeah what time your shift end?”
“in an hour … meet you in the goose”
at this point i lose faith in all humanaty
Im screaming in my head wishing I could hate them to death.
Then police woman appears and walks towards them
Beethoven’s ode to joy starts playing in my head
Then when the police woman arrives the drunk women say
“alright sharron?”
“yeah not bad you girlds facny a drink?”
“yeah what time your shift end?”
“in an hour … meet you in the goose”
at this point i lose faith in all humanaty
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Clash of the titans 3d
Now im not going into the film lets just say it was adequate and that I don’t really like the fact that they remade a classic.
I want to talk about 3d cinema
At this time I haven’t seen avatar. And its not on in the cinema anymore so ill probably see it in 2d on blu ray.
Is a film made better by it being in 3d? I think it makes an average film better in a novelty way.
Now most special effect films with big action scenes , big explosions, dizzying heights ect. The 3d adds scale and makes the film bigger. Because lets face it that’s what the film wants to be BIG. How can you make action film A bigger than action film B. 3D!
But would 3d make truly brilliant films better?
The userwel suspects in 3D?
It’s a wonderful life in 3D?
Reservoir dogs in 3D?
BLADERUNNER IN 3D?
I’m not sure it would. The other factor is those films where not made in 3d where as clash of the titans was made to be in 3d so there where scenes specially put in to wow and amaze in 3d (but not a lot else).
I have an sort of photographic memory7 for films I have scean. I can kinda replay scenes in my head. But thinking about clash of the titans. I cant really rember what bits where in 3D (an interestion point to probably no one but myself)
This things that didn’t work so well. The method used for the 3d was the dolby 3D. with is quite a clever 3d method. It used interference lenses to only allow certain wavelengths of light to each eye. So both eyes are getting all the colours but different wavelengths.
There is one problem with this the fact you loose light. In a dim cinema loosing 20% (im guessing) is quite a lot to loose and I felt that it was like watching tv with my sunglasses on.
Also computer-generated elements of the film worked a lot better than “real” elements. At some points the wrong things seemed to be in focus to me.
A nearer object sticking out of the screen and thus closer to me would be out of focus, the person talking would be in focus. But I had a waking depth out of focus object closer to and I found it a bit off putting.
Also there seemed to be an odd effect with people, they seemed to standing on top of themselves. Very hard to explain this , but when you saw a person in 3d. it looked like they had someone standing behind them because the two angles gave you slightly more than you should be able to see. This as well put me off. And at some points I found myself closing 1 eye until some more computer crash bang wolp came on.
Now im not going into the film lets just say it was adequate and that I don’t really like the fact that they remade a classic.
I want to talk about 3d cinema
At this time I haven’t seen avatar. And its not on in the cinema anymore so ill probably see it in 2d on blu ray.
Is a film made better by it being in 3d? I think it makes an average film better in a novelty way.
Now most special effect films with big action scenes , big explosions, dizzying heights ect. The 3d adds scale and makes the film bigger. Because lets face it that’s what the film wants to be BIG. How can you make action film A bigger than action film B. 3D!
But would 3d make truly brilliant films better?
The userwel suspects in 3D?
It’s a wonderful life in 3D?
Reservoir dogs in 3D?
BLADERUNNER IN 3D?
I’m not sure it would. The other factor is those films where not made in 3d where as clash of the titans was made to be in 3d so there where scenes specially put in to wow and amaze in 3d (but not a lot else).
I have an sort of photographic memory7 for films I have scean. I can kinda replay scenes in my head. But thinking about clash of the titans. I cant really rember what bits where in 3D (an interestion point to probably no one but myself)
This things that didn’t work so well. The method used for the 3d was the dolby 3D. with is quite a clever 3d method. It used interference lenses to only allow certain wavelengths of light to each eye. So both eyes are getting all the colours but different wavelengths.
There is one problem with this the fact you loose light. In a dim cinema loosing 20% (im guessing) is quite a lot to loose and I felt that it was like watching tv with my sunglasses on.
Also computer-generated elements of the film worked a lot better than “real” elements. At some points the wrong things seemed to be in focus to me.
A nearer object sticking out of the screen and thus closer to me would be out of focus, the person talking would be in focus. But I had a waking depth out of focus object closer to and I found it a bit off putting.
Also there seemed to be an odd effect with people, they seemed to standing on top of themselves. Very hard to explain this , but when you saw a person in 3d. it looked like they had someone standing behind them because the two angles gave you slightly more than you should be able to see. This as well put me off. And at some points I found myself closing 1 eye until some more computer crash bang wolp came on.
There are lost of 2d clues to depth perception. If an object is bigger than another object that you know to be the same size you know the bigger is closer. Shadows , and overlapping.
The 3d only adds parallax. This is whaere a closer object moves against the way you are moving and distant objects appear to move in the same direction. An example of this is look out the side window of a car moving , things you pass appear to move in opposite but hills seem to be moving in the same direction (but at a different rate) not the best example there. But im sure you dint come here for a my excellent spelling and a geometric optics lecture.
Now as I have only seen 1 film in 3D. well I have actually seem 3
Creature from the black lagoon. This was with red and green glasses
Some imax cartoon this was with polarized filters
Clash of the titans the Dolby 3d method
Is 3d cinema just a gimmick….. At this stage I have to say I think it is.
I think it can be used for something something that the viewer looses buy watching it on tv….
SPORT!
I think 3d tv sport is the future for this not film. Watching on 2d you loose what you would see by being there. Football, rugby, tennis would all benefit from the view being able to see the positions of things in 3d. I don’t think that would be a gimick
Time will tell
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
A women came in my shop. she was elderly and a bit odd and referred to her self in the 3rd person just as much as she didn’t.
And also refered to herself as sainsbury and sainsburys
On the paperwork it was sainsbrys but that paperwork was from someware else
And also refered to herself as sainsbury and sainsburys
On the paperwork it was sainsbrys but that paperwork was from someware else
“so is your name sainsbry or sainsbrys its just you have used both”
she looked at me a little annoyed “its sainsbry”
“right cos on the paperwork its says sainsbrys”
“its sainsbry the same as the shop”
“umm the shop is sainbry’s…..”
“well my names not plural”
“so you name is without the S”
“yes its got an S its sainsbry”
“I was referring to the s at the end”
“there is no s at the end its spelt like the supermarket”
“yeah I was just checking because you have used both”
“so you cant remember my name”
“yes I can rember your name”
“can you call me a taxi…”
“yes ofcorse”
“for mrs sainsbrys going to …….”
Friday, April 16, 2010
2 nutters for you today
One comes in wanting me to look at their nose…… I know that pretty close to your eyes…. But its still not actually your eyes. Thus not really my field of expertise.
The second was a very bad liar.
“hello madam…. You seem to have cancelled you direct debit with us”
“I have never had a direct debit with you”
“Yes you have you have had it for a number of years but you cancelled it in October. So unless you restart it I can continue to supply you with goods”
“oh ok then”
she starts to fill in the form
“umm I don’t know the address of my bank”
“is it the same account as you had the direct debit with us before?”
“No its not it’s a different account”
I scream AHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHAAAAA in my head
I took her about 15 second to forget she had lied to me….. Children standing over a broken vase with bits of it in their hand saying I didn’t do it are better liars than that
One comes in wanting me to look at their nose…… I know that pretty close to your eyes…. But its still not actually your eyes. Thus not really my field of expertise.
The second was a very bad liar.
“hello madam…. You seem to have cancelled you direct debit with us”
“I have never had a direct debit with you”
“Yes you have you have had it for a number of years but you cancelled it in October. So unless you restart it I can continue to supply you with goods”
“oh ok then”
she starts to fill in the form
“umm I don’t know the address of my bank”
“is it the same account as you had the direct debit with us before?”
“No its not it’s a different account”
I scream AHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHAAAAA in my head
I took her about 15 second to forget she had lied to me….. Children standing over a broken vase with bits of it in their hand saying I didn’t do it are better liars than that
Monday, March 01, 2010
Generally feeling a bit rough and feverish. I summoned up the strength to get up and stick the washing on. As I press the on button there’s a loud bang and the washing machine dies in a puff of white smoke than then bleeds stale water all over the floor. Much cursing happens. And its not even a consolation that I now don’t have to do the washing.
I get in the car….. Engine temp water light is on….. That’s not good. Some one in the family says they will have a gander at it. I drive to there with the light stareing me in the face. I stop after a while to let it cool. And the car does a big wee all over the side of the A303. much cursing happens.
The cat also appears to not be in a good mood. Generally trying to wound the wife and me.
I get in the car….. Engine temp water light is on….. That’s not good. Some one in the family says they will have a gander at it. I drive to there with the light stareing me in the face. I stop after a while to let it cool. And the car does a big wee all over the side of the A303. much cursing happens.
The cat also appears to not be in a good mood. Generally trying to wound the wife and me.
Also I don’t recommend norovirus…. It fucking sucks. That’s why I haven’t been doing many updates
also some stupid chaz kid is giveing out my email again thinking its his. all the stupid emo chaves sending me mail and msn requests can cock of. and next time he trys to send me his xbox after its repaired im gonna keep it
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Its amazing how embarrassment makes people lie
Some does something amazingly stupid and its going to cost them they say “I dunno how it got like that”
I seen pairs of glasses that look like they have been walked on by a carnival precession consisting of mainly elephants, and the person puts teher hand on their heart looks me in the eye and says I just opened the case this morning and they where like that. When I sagest that that could be true but they are leaving out the bit where the jumped up and down on then and then put them in the case so that when they open the case this morning the glasses where like it. They tend to get very angry. Because something they did that was stupid is now going to cost them. Most people come in saying that the fell apart over night in the case. And complain that the glasses a faulty and want a new pair.
Today’s bell end didn’t even have the intelligence to lie properly.
“These glasses have fallen apart…. “
“ok… lets have a look”
“thay are soo week”
“ umm… they look like that have been crushed”
“no….. they where just in my pocket”
“in the case?”
“no… and they may have got a little bit squashed”
“so they got crushed in your pocket because they wernt in the case”
“the case breakes them”
“the case …. I thing that designed to protect them when not in use breakes them?”
“yes they are weak glasses.”
“well you crushed them in your pocket”
“well you said they are under guarantee”
“when?”
“when I bought them”
“well yes everything you buy has a guarantee against manufacturing faults but crushing them isn’t a fault…. Its your fault”
“well they are undergarentee and they are weak”
“thay are not garennteed agains you being careless its not a manafaters fault you crusing them. I can get them repaired but you will have to pay for new parts”
“they are under guarantee I paid lots of money for these”
“look it dosnt matter what they cost. If you crused them you crushed them. They would have the same damage, no matter what they cost”
“well im not happy about this”
“(WELL IM NOT HAPPY ABOUT YOU BEING ALIVE) would you like me to send them away to be repaired?”
“go on then….”
Some does something amazingly stupid and its going to cost them they say “I dunno how it got like that”
I seen pairs of glasses that look like they have been walked on by a carnival precession consisting of mainly elephants, and the person puts teher hand on their heart looks me in the eye and says I just opened the case this morning and they where like that. When I sagest that that could be true but they are leaving out the bit where the jumped up and down on then and then put them in the case so that when they open the case this morning the glasses where like it. They tend to get very angry. Because something they did that was stupid is now going to cost them. Most people come in saying that the fell apart over night in the case. And complain that the glasses a faulty and want a new pair.
Today’s bell end didn’t even have the intelligence to lie properly.
“These glasses have fallen apart…. “
“ok… lets have a look”
“thay are soo week”
“ umm… they look like that have been crushed”
“no….. they where just in my pocket”
“in the case?”
“no… and they may have got a little bit squashed”
“so they got crushed in your pocket because they wernt in the case”
“the case breakes them”
“the case …. I thing that designed to protect them when not in use breakes them?”
“yes they are weak glasses.”
“well you crushed them in your pocket”
“well you said they are under guarantee”
“when?”
“when I bought them”
“well yes everything you buy has a guarantee against manufacturing faults but crushing them isn’t a fault…. Its your fault”
“well they are undergarentee and they are weak”
“thay are not garennteed agains you being careless its not a manafaters fault you crusing them. I can get them repaired but you will have to pay for new parts”
“they are under guarantee I paid lots of money for these”
“look it dosnt matter what they cost. If you crused them you crushed them. They would have the same damage, no matter what they cost”
“well im not happy about this”
“(WELL IM NOT HAPPY ABOUT YOU BEING ALIVE) would you like me to send them away to be repaired?”
“go on then….”
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
2009 game awards
As decided by me
The winner of most pointless remake is …..The Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena
Re release the first game and tack on some shitty ad on pack and charge lost of money. Should just save your self the money buy grabbing the xbox verson out the bargin bin for £9
The winner of why the hell am I playing this its more addictive and life destroying than crack is… peggle
Bright colours encouraging sounds….. missing meals because you must just finish that last lvl ….
Best remake…… monkey island
Still I think remakes are a bit pointless. But butifly updated graphics and sound. And kept the plot untouched. Pure class
Hardest 1 bullet scrapes passed you and you die of a heart attack so defiantly nor for pussys fps of the year is …….. Operation flashpoint dragon rising.
In hard mode. No save point no hud. Infact nothing helping you at all. Spend 2 hours crawling on your belly. Most likely what id be like in a real war.
Most improved sequel of the year… assassins creed 2.
Took out 90% of the bullshit from the first game, good effort B-
Game that’s labled as a game but its pretty much and add-on pack you pay full price for…. Joint winners , left 4 dead 2 and halo ODST
Left for dead was in the first place an add on to halflife 2 and they made us pay full wack and now they have released a sequel they expect you to pay full wack for again. Halo. Chalks up the win here for making you pay for multiplayer lvls you have already payed for and a single player campain with is fun but short and hence essecaly an add-on pack
Most disappointing plot of the year….. modern warfare 2
The first game was at least grounded in reality. Thins game the “writers” went totally snooker loopy
Most disappointingly short game of the year…. modern warfare 2
I played this game in the hardest difficulty and I wrapped it all up in about 8 hours. If id been playing it in easy. I recon this game would be around 15 mins…. Totally not worth the price especially if you got some of the crazy special addition versions of this game
Worst game of the year that I actually payed for…. WET
Everything that is wrong with games is displayed here. Just bad…. No fun to play at all
And finally best game of the year..... Batman archam asylum.
Need I say more ist got fucking batman in it.
As decided by me
The winner of most pointless remake is …..The Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena
Re release the first game and tack on some shitty ad on pack and charge lost of money. Should just save your self the money buy grabbing the xbox verson out the bargin bin for £9
The winner of why the hell am I playing this its more addictive and life destroying than crack is… peggle
Bright colours encouraging sounds….. missing meals because you must just finish that last lvl ….
Best remake…… monkey island
Still I think remakes are a bit pointless. But butifly updated graphics and sound. And kept the plot untouched. Pure class
Hardest 1 bullet scrapes passed you and you die of a heart attack so defiantly nor for pussys fps of the year is …….. Operation flashpoint dragon rising.
In hard mode. No save point no hud. Infact nothing helping you at all. Spend 2 hours crawling on your belly. Most likely what id be like in a real war.
Most improved sequel of the year… assassins creed 2.
Took out 90% of the bullshit from the first game, good effort B-
Game that’s labled as a game but its pretty much and add-on pack you pay full price for…. Joint winners , left 4 dead 2 and halo ODST
Left for dead was in the first place an add on to halflife 2 and they made us pay full wack and now they have released a sequel they expect you to pay full wack for again. Halo. Chalks up the win here for making you pay for multiplayer lvls you have already payed for and a single player campain with is fun but short and hence essecaly an add-on pack
Most disappointing plot of the year….. modern warfare 2
The first game was at least grounded in reality. Thins game the “writers” went totally snooker loopy
Most disappointingly short game of the year…. modern warfare 2
I played this game in the hardest difficulty and I wrapped it all up in about 8 hours. If id been playing it in easy. I recon this game would be around 15 mins…. Totally not worth the price especially if you got some of the crazy special addition versions of this game
Worst game of the year that I actually payed for…. WET
Everything that is wrong with games is displayed here. Just bad…. No fun to play at all
And finally best game of the year..... Batman archam asylum.
Need I say more ist got fucking batman in it.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Thursday, December 03, 2009
Do you know what my problem is …… im too bloody nice.
This happens more and more to me.
Customer comes in, hands me a pair of glasses. And they say they want new lenses in them. When I look at them it turns out they already have exactly what the want in them they have handed me the wrong pair. The others are in a draw at home. The person I s a bit old and forgetful and it terns out they have been wearing their old glasses for a year or more and there brand new ones that have never been warn they think are there old ones. And then they want them brought up to date……. Evan though they already are.
I point out to them they must have another pair at home. Because my orders show that the glasses should be blue not brown, and a totally different size and colour. But they never believe me. Im trying to save them money and they think im lieing. Just because they have been a fool. I can change the lenses for you if you want . but ill be making up exactly the same as already in them.
The latest woman thinks im lie so much shes coming back to talk to my manager.
I know what I should have done. Told her they would be ready in 1 hour. Stick them on my desk. Read the paper, and in 1 hour hand them back and pocket the cash.
But I don’t coz im too bloody nice and ripping of pensioners is not my stile no matter how much they want me to.
This happens more and more to me.
Customer comes in, hands me a pair of glasses. And they say they want new lenses in them. When I look at them it turns out they already have exactly what the want in them they have handed me the wrong pair. The others are in a draw at home. The person I s a bit old and forgetful and it terns out they have been wearing their old glasses for a year or more and there brand new ones that have never been warn they think are there old ones. And then they want them brought up to date……. Evan though they already are.
I point out to them they must have another pair at home. Because my orders show that the glasses should be blue not brown, and a totally different size and colour. But they never believe me. Im trying to save them money and they think im lieing. Just because they have been a fool. I can change the lenses for you if you want . but ill be making up exactly the same as already in them.
The latest woman thinks im lie so much shes coming back to talk to my manager.
I know what I should have done. Told her they would be ready in 1 hour. Stick them on my desk. Read the paper, and in 1 hour hand them back and pocket the cash.
But I don’t coz im too bloody nice and ripping of pensioners is not my stile no matter how much they want me to.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Please note I cannot be held responsible for any mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, karma, dharma, metaphysical, religious, philosophical, Logical , Ethical, Aesthetical, or financial damage caused by this post
Over hearing “conversations” from winos outside
“you read this shit….. foreigners cunts getting a 1.8 milling quid house in London…. Fucking foreign cunts…..”
“don’t get me started…..(lots of racist incomprehendable swearing here).
The 3 winos then shout at some bloke at the other end of the street saying something about hamas…. The swig cans of K cider and special brew then beging to “sing” a nirvana song….
“yeah so I have to do some (insert a 3 letter abbreviation here) report fucking waste of time that is , but the fucking thing got me 12 months off my sentence, I served 5 days and the cunts gave me a flat” he then shouts some more rasest things at passers by and kicks his dog.
i wish i owned a gun and a licence to kill
Over hearing “conversations” from winos outside
“you read this shit….. foreigners cunts getting a 1.8 milling quid house in London…. Fucking foreign cunts…..”
“don’t get me started…..(lots of racist incomprehendable swearing here).
The 3 winos then shout at some bloke at the other end of the street saying something about hamas…. The swig cans of K cider and special brew then beging to “sing” a nirvana song….
“yeah so I have to do some (insert a 3 letter abbreviation here) report fucking waste of time that is , but the fucking thing got me 12 months off my sentence, I served 5 days and the cunts gave me a flat” he then shouts some more rasest things at passers by and kicks his dog.
i wish i owned a gun and a licence to kill
Monday, November 09, 2009
Why I hate EA… (me being a fanboy here sorry)
Well hate is a strong word…. Ok they are not all bad….. but only in the way that Hitler wasn’t all bad.
What I dislike is the way they spot a small company that makes something good, buys that little company, amalgamate it in to there huge machine and the little cogs have no creativity anymore, lost the spark that made there good idea special in the first place.
And the other thing the do is release a game. Then slowly release add on packs and you end up spending 2 or 3 times what you would have paid if it had all been in one game. See the sims of burn out paradise.
The biggest thing that’s upset me is the have put criterion on making the new need for speed game. And even know I knew they would do this im still annoyed. (c’mon harry its only a game)
Burnout 1. good effort for a first game. Very similar to thrill drive.
Burnout 2 . fast, crashes pretty. I love love love this game.
Burnout 3 added the fact that you can takedown the other racers. A thing I always though should have been in burnout2
Burnout 4 or revenge. Pretty much the same as 3 but you could start to feel the meddling or EA
Burnout 5 paradise. I see why someone thought open word would be good. But to honest is was bad. For the purpose of it being a multiplayer destruction derby thing then yeah that was fun . But it wasn’t burnout. The fast racing was gone as was crash mode. The best party game since all female jelly twister. I bought it expecting to hate the open world thing and I did. The game was fun but it wasn’t burnout. If it had been called someing else I would have seid “yeah that games good but not as fun as the burnout games that company used to make” I think it was sold as a burnout game just so it had the burnout name coz that would get sales.
It was annoused earlier in the year that the criterion team are now making the new need for speed game. The need for speed game was the biggest competitor of the burn out games. It like the pro evo team making the new fifa. Or the silent hill team making the resident evil..
EA have bought the team that made top notch racing games and put them to work on their vastly inferior competitor.
Little cogs in the ea machine
Well hate is a strong word…. Ok they are not all bad….. but only in the way that Hitler wasn’t all bad.
What I dislike is the way they spot a small company that makes something good, buys that little company, amalgamate it in to there huge machine and the little cogs have no creativity anymore, lost the spark that made there good idea special in the first place.
And the other thing the do is release a game. Then slowly release add on packs and you end up spending 2 or 3 times what you would have paid if it had all been in one game. See the sims of burn out paradise.
The biggest thing that’s upset me is the have put criterion on making the new need for speed game. And even know I knew they would do this im still annoyed. (c’mon harry its only a game)
Burnout 1. good effort for a first game. Very similar to thrill drive.
Burnout 2 . fast, crashes pretty. I love love love this game.
Burnout 3 added the fact that you can takedown the other racers. A thing I always though should have been in burnout2
Burnout 4 or revenge. Pretty much the same as 3 but you could start to feel the meddling or EA
Burnout 5 paradise. I see why someone thought open word would be good. But to honest is was bad. For the purpose of it being a multiplayer destruction derby thing then yeah that was fun . But it wasn’t burnout. The fast racing was gone as was crash mode. The best party game since all female jelly twister. I bought it expecting to hate the open world thing and I did. The game was fun but it wasn’t burnout. If it had been called someing else I would have seid “yeah that games good but not as fun as the burnout games that company used to make” I think it was sold as a burnout game just so it had the burnout name coz that would get sales.
It was annoused earlier in the year that the criterion team are now making the new need for speed game. The need for speed game was the biggest competitor of the burn out games. It like the pro evo team making the new fifa. Or the silent hill team making the resident evil..
EA have bought the team that made top notch racing games and put them to work on their vastly inferior competitor.
Little cogs in the ea machine
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Please note I cannot be held responsible for any mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, karma, dharma, metaphysical, religious, philosophical, Logical , Ethical, Aesthetical, or financial damage caused by this post
Do you know what pisses me off…..
Well quite a lot of things … but mainly today scroungers…..
A short man walks in asking for his glasses to be repaired. They are a year or 2 old and haven’t had a good life. (the glasses not him hes about 50). On slightly closer inspection (I didn’t dare touch them I haven’t been keeping up with my inoculations) I saw they where of the lowest quality possible. Im not going to mention the name of where they where purchased from all I’ll say is he shouldn’t have gone there.
He throws a grubby piece of paper infront of me that had horrible tide makes on it from him. It was a for outlining the benefits system and entailment to money for glasses.
“they say I have to pay for them” pointing roughly at the wall behind me presumably in the direction of the other opticians. I don’t dare turn my head and the charity box on my desk disappears when people like him are in and I take my eyes off it.
“well yes sir you do”
“it says here I don’t”
“sir that says there that….. people under the age of 16 are entitled to a repair voucher”
“yeah see I get a repair voucher”
“but your over 16”
“yeah it says over 16”
“only children get free repairs”
…….. he scans the paper……..”says here other people can too”
“well yes that true … but that a way of putting that disabled people can get repairs”
“Im disabled”
……the fucker walked in the place “well if for people who are very disabled”
“I am”
(I don’t fucking doubt that)…. “I mean people who are severally mentally and physically handicapped”
he just looks at me
“look sir you not entitled… its only for people so disabled they can even get to the shop”
“well I got no money”
“look I didn’t make those glasses there pretty cheep by the looks of them. If you got them on a voucher in the first place they had to cost around £36”
he interrupts me “they where free”
“yes I know you didn’t pay for them the NHS did and they cost £36 because that the value of the voucher. So logically if the frame and lenses cost 36. the frame would most likely be around £15 and they sould be able to get you a new one and pop your lenses in that”
“well im disabled I fall over a lot…”
I look at his shopping 8 cans of special brew
I don’t think the fucker interpratated my next stare correctly. It was a why are you complaining to me about some product from another shop, whilst you try to swindle the health care system that my tax money pays for when if you didn’t by 8 cans of antifreeze larger you could easily have the glasses fixed type stare.
Admittedly there's a lot to read from that look.
Also today if anyone wants to come kill the racist thug that stands out side my shop shouting racist names at people and threatening to kick them in it would be much appreciated.
And DO NOT PUT alkyl ethersulfate, ethoxylated alkyl phenol, tri-quaternary cocoabased phospholipid and silica gel with titanium dioxide. in your eye it results in a trip to A&E
Do you know what pisses me off…..
Well quite a lot of things … but mainly today scroungers…..
A short man walks in asking for his glasses to be repaired. They are a year or 2 old and haven’t had a good life. (the glasses not him hes about 50). On slightly closer inspection (I didn’t dare touch them I haven’t been keeping up with my inoculations) I saw they where of the lowest quality possible. Im not going to mention the name of where they where purchased from all I’ll say is he shouldn’t have gone there.
He throws a grubby piece of paper infront of me that had horrible tide makes on it from him. It was a for outlining the benefits system and entailment to money for glasses.
“they say I have to pay for them” pointing roughly at the wall behind me presumably in the direction of the other opticians. I don’t dare turn my head and the charity box on my desk disappears when people like him are in and I take my eyes off it.
“well yes sir you do”
“it says here I don’t”
“sir that says there that….. people under the age of 16 are entitled to a repair voucher”
“yeah see I get a repair voucher”
“but your over 16”
“yeah it says over 16”
“only children get free repairs”
…….. he scans the paper……..”says here other people can too”
“well yes that true … but that a way of putting that disabled people can get repairs”
“Im disabled”
……the fucker walked in the place “well if for people who are very disabled”
“I am”
(I don’t fucking doubt that)…. “I mean people who are severally mentally and physically handicapped”
he just looks at me
“look sir you not entitled… its only for people so disabled they can even get to the shop”
“well I got no money”
“look I didn’t make those glasses there pretty cheep by the looks of them. If you got them on a voucher in the first place they had to cost around £36”
he interrupts me “they where free”
“yes I know you didn’t pay for them the NHS did and they cost £36 because that the value of the voucher. So logically if the frame and lenses cost 36. the frame would most likely be around £15 and they sould be able to get you a new one and pop your lenses in that”
“well im disabled I fall over a lot…”
I look at his shopping 8 cans of special brew
I don’t think the fucker interpratated my next stare correctly. It was a why are you complaining to me about some product from another shop, whilst you try to swindle the health care system that my tax money pays for when if you didn’t by 8 cans of antifreeze larger you could easily have the glasses fixed type stare.
Admittedly there's a lot to read from that look.
Also today if anyone wants to come kill the racist thug that stands out side my shop shouting racist names at people and threatening to kick them in it would be much appreciated.
And DO NOT PUT alkyl ethersulfate, ethoxylated alkyl phenol, tri-quaternary cocoabased phospholipid and silica gel with titanium dioxide. in your eye it results in a trip to A&E
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