One of the phones isn’t working. Call BT. Wait on hold for 10 mins after the stupid voice recognition bit. Final get threw to someone. “Ive got to ask you security questions what’s you business name? What’s you business address? What’s you post code? Are you brian? What the phone number? Is that the line you are on now?” “My phones not dialling out. Can get incoming calls. But cant dial out” “ill test you line. Hold please (same bit of crappy music over and over for 5 mins) right tested you line and there’s nothing wrong” “right, but I cant dial out” “well ill transfer you to accounts” “umm why?” “hold please” (15 mins of the same music) and I get transferred to India “hello bt accounts how may I help?” “umm well I have a problem with my phone line and technical just transferred me to you” “why?” “I don’t know why” “well what’s you account number?” “I don’t know. I was just phoneing to get my line fixed” “ive got to ask you security questions what’s you business name? What’s you business address? What’s you post code? Are you brian? Right ill look at you account hold please” (same awful music) “well there’s nothing wrong with your account” “right. So what should I do” “have you spoken to technical?” “I told you I have and they transferred me to you” “ohh right hold please” (another 10 mins and ive broken my pen in rage) “right well it looks like you account has an outstanding balance” “really? You just said it was fine” “no there is £12.62 outstanding” “what?” “There is £12.62 outstanding can I take your credit card?” “no I just work here, that’s done by accounts. Our bill its always about 10 times that it’s a busy shop line. How is there 12 quid on there?” “It says £12.62 we will unblock you line when you call with credit card” “well that’s not happening. Im going to have to call my accounts person to call you. Can you give me the number of the bill? The number of the check that you cashed? The amount it was for? The date? Because I cant see how the check could be made out for anything other than the correct total” “I don’t have that information. I can take credit card” “right well Im going to have to get my accounts department to call you and get all that information and find out who’s cock up this is and why I have been on the phone for close to and hour” “ummm err. Anything else I can help you with” I hang up nearly damaging the phone. I pick up the phone to call the accounts lady and in my annoyance I pick the line that is blocked. Slam the phone down. A customer walks in

Ten mins after serving the customer, I go to phone the accounts lady. And pick up the blocked line again. Only now it’s unblocked