One of the phones isn’t working. Call BT. Wait on hold for 10 mins after the stupid voice recognition bit. Final get threw to someone. “Ive got to ask you security questions what’s you business name? What’s you business address? What’s you post code? Are you brian? What the phone number? Is that the line you are on now?” “My phones not dialling out. Can get incoming calls. But cant dial out” “ill test you line. Hold please (same bit of crappy music over and over for 5 mins) right tested you line and there’s nothing wrong” “right, but I cant dial out” “well ill transfer you to accounts” “umm why?” “hold please” (15 mins of the same music) and I get transferred to India “hello bt accounts how may I help?” “umm well I have a problem with my phone line and technical just transferred me to you” “why?” “I don’t know why” “well what’s you account number?” “I don’t know. I was just phoneing to get my line fixed” “ive got to ask you security questions what’s you business name? What’s you business address? What’s you post code? Are you brian? Right ill look at you account hold please” (same awful music) “well there’s nothing wrong with your account” “right. So what should I do” “have you spoken to technical?” “I told you I have and they transferred me to you” “ohh right hold please” (another 10 mins and ive broken my pen in rage) “right well it looks like you account has an outstanding balance” “really? You just said it was fine” “no there is £12.62 outstanding” “what?” “There is £12.62 outstanding can I take your credit card?” “no I just work here, that’s done by accounts. Our bill its always about 10 times that it’s a busy shop line. How is there 12 quid on there?” “It says £12.62 we will unblock you line when you call with credit card” “well that’s not happening. Im going to have to call my accounts person to call you. Can you give me the number of the bill? The number of the check that you cashed? The amount it was for? The date? Because I cant see how the check could be made out for anything other than the correct total” “I don’t have that information. I can take credit card” “right well Im going to have to get my accounts department to call you and get all that information and find out who’s cock up this is and why I have been on the phone for close to and hour” “ummm err. Anything else I can help you with” I hang up nearly damaging the phone. I pick up the phone to call the accounts lady and in my annoyance I pick the line that is blocked. Slam the phone down. A customer walks in

Ten mins after serving the customer, I go to phone the accounts lady. And pick up the blocked line again. Only now it’s unblocked

Just had someone come in and tell me that my window display is crap.  “I go passed on the bus most days and your window display is really disappointing and drab” “ohh well because we are a small shop not many manufactures send us any point of sale” “well you have 4 bags in it” “yes that was the last stuff I was sent some beach bags with logos on, so I filled them with boxes and there’s the little bench” “well its drab” “well ok its been there for about 6 months but ive not got anything else to put in the window” “ive got this book. Its pictures of Aldershot in the 40’s and 50’s where this shop is used to be a bit of grass with a bullet proof car on. You could pay 6 old pence to sit in it”  (starts showing me pictures in the book) “right” “do you want to borrow the book?” “oh no its ok. Ill just scan the pictures to show my boss” (I go out back and pretend) “so what about your window then?” “well what do you sagest?” “you could go to the counsel and get lost of old photos of Aldershot and put them on display in your window and they will probably give you some pot plants” “ right ill bare that in mind, thanks for popping in” “well if you want me to show you anymore books let me know”

Old woman walks up to the shop. Stares threw the window. Looks at the stuff in the window. Looks at me. Looks back at the little bench in the window that is a crappy bit of point of sale for bench. It’s too small for a leprechaun to sit on. She frowns at me and walks away. 30 seconds later she’s back looking at this bench and then me again. She opens the door. “Hello my I help you” “why do you have that in the window?” “Its just a point of sale thing” “a bench with bench written on it” “yes it’s a brand” “well its confusing makes it look like you sell benches” frowns at me and leaves

Bloke angrily stomps in

“These glasses are terrible” “ohh umm” “look” he throws them on the desk. I open the case to reveal some glasses, a make of witch I have never herd of “umm I don’t think you got these here” “no I bought them from an air port” “right” “well they are supposed to be the best” “right” “well the person that sold them to me said you could do anything with them” “umm humm” “yeah they cost me 50 pounds about 20 years ago” “I see” “well” “well what?” “What can you do?” “umm with those? Nothing really” “WHAT (angry and shocked)” “well I can make you some new glasses” “I don’t want new ones, I want theses they are supposed to be the best” “well you said yourself that they don’t seem to be. I could make you something better” “well these cost me a lot of money” walks out